


lay me at the bottom

by traceable



Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub Undertones, F/F, Slow Burn, tw: rita repulsa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 04:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11867172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traceable/pseuds/traceable
Summary: kimberly goes from half a year of hating herself to eleven days fighting and clinging to life. coming out on the other side all she wants to do is belong to something.or someone.





	lay me at the bottom

**Author's Note:**

> sparked by the author’s fascination with that strappy bra thing kimberly wears like 80% of the time and too much atomic blonde trailer rewatches. 
> 
> warnings: bdsm topics, all the research and safe practice education, oh and collars.

part (a)

 

*

 

when she was five nothing chased nightmares away faster than her dad brushing her hair back and wiping her tears away. being tucked back into bed was like him laying a magic shield over her. nothing could break through those blankets protecting her.

 

when she was twelve those nightmares sometimes manifested in people. in whistling and loud cars driving by with out of towners looking to ruin a few nights in an old fishing town. the independence she had walking down to the rec centre for gymnastics by herself was replaced with reluctance. her new shield came at the end of a leash and a dog with a bite much worse than a bark.

 

men were a lot less likely to slow their cars and yell out at a girl who had a long haired black german shepherd walking between her and the road.

in high school there was a shift in the world. her armor became words and friends. circles of people that built up defences around her. that untouchable feeling was easy to capture when there were lines of people falling before her. 

 

until she broke that with a single picture. 

 

insecurities are the sharpest arrow.

 

and someone had been waiting to let that fly even before amanda and harper pinned her picture to a bathroom wall with scissors.

 

the wound it left is something she sees every time she looks in the mirror. 

 

to heal would be a wonderful thing.

 

hope comes in clusters.

 

the joy lines around billy’s eyes whenever kimberly comes and sits with him at lunch. the breathlessness that overwhelms zack when he talks about his mom regaining strength. the limp jason walks with in one step and the skip that he follows it up with. a secret kept. the huff of disapproval and the weight of a jacket being pushed over her shoulders that precedes trini coming off her toes and walking ahead like it was nothing.

 

just another bit of magic.

 

*

 

‘usually when a person borrows someone’s clothes they wash and return them the next time they see each other.’

 

kimberly turns around and looks up at the rock face. trini has her hands shoved in her pockets, looking down on her. wrapped around her is a thick looking black jacket. the only spark of yellow on her is the laces on her shoes. they’ve all been trying to sneak in their primary colours, like an inside joke, in their daily outfits.

 

‘i saw you in fifth period.’ kimberly rolls her eyes. ‘i haven’t been home yet.’

 

she’s been staring down at the pool of water separating her and the rangers ship for about an hour. billy keeps calling it mermaid lagoon, like in peter pan. their ranger identities are the shadows they’ve been chasing.

 

‘you realize that my size is not your size.’ trini comments. ‘you’re gonna freeze.’

 

she can still smell the rain lingering in the air but the ground has long since dried. 

 

‘it’s fine, it’s more for-’ kimberly wraps trini’s faded green army jacket around her. trini is right in that the lapels overlap by a long shot but the hem is short. ‘-comfort.’

 

underneath she just has the tank top she threw on without thinking this morning. there used to be a time when she woke up early to the bright lights around her mirror and planned out what she wanted to wear. there’s less time now and more criticism when she looks in the mirror, despite the progress she feels like she’s made in the last month, to do that.

 

hence her borrowing a spare layer from trini’s locker when the rain started coming down earlier. 

 

trini raises an eyebrow at that last comment. ‘my thrift store purchases give you comfort?’

 

when kim shrugs trini tugs the side of her own beanie and shuffles her way down the rock face to sit next to kimberly on the perch.

 

there’s a tiny rip in the left sleeve of the jacket and kimberly pokes her thumb through it. ‘you’re chatty today.’

 

trini stares out into the distance and for a second kimberly thinks she’s broken the spell by talking about it.

 

‘i’m trying to be better about it.’ trini states shortly. ‘at least with you guys.’

 

‘i know.’ kimberly says softly. ‘sorry, i didn’t mean to make it sound like-’

 

‘you’re deflecting.’ trini replies. ‘i get it.’

 

kimberly has become masterful is brushing and glancing these words aside. her mom believes well woven stories and brighter smiles that leave her free to whisper into the coat of whisky, her dog not the drink, about the weighted worries of her world.

 

‘so what is it?’

 

‘what?’ kimberly murmurs. 

 

‘is there something about my jacket you like,’ trini asks. ‘or is it more because it’s not yours?’

 

‘you want it back?’ kimberly says with lazy amusement.

 

trini tilts her head to look at her. ‘deflecting.’

 

kimberly takes a deep breath and stares across to the opposing wall of rock. counting the ridges before answering. ‘i’m okay, if that’s what you’re asking.’ 

 

‘are you?’

 

‘yeah.’ a pause. a retraction. ‘maybe.’

 

_ /maybe/ _ sounds like  _ /sometimes/ _ sounds like _/not enough/_.

 

‘you can talk to me about stuff.’ trini looks at her long enough for kimberly to meet her eyes. the sincerity is painted in her eyes. ‘if you’re not.’

 

‘because we’re friends.’ kimberly squeezes the words out until her voice mimics jason’s first uncertainty about their role as power rangers. 

 

it’s a small poke of humour and trini gives her the small brush off enough to smile in return. ‘we’re all stuck together.’

 

‘i’m glad.’

 

trini lets the sounds of the night take over momentarily. the far away horns of cars and fading thrums of planes flying overhead. when the lull becomes too much trini breaks it. ‘so, is it because it’s someone else’s jacket?’

 

kimberly is still struggling to put words to it all so she says: ‘a little.’

 

trini scuffs the heel of her shoe into the rock perch and something breaks off. the piece of rubble clacks on the side of the wall and then drops soundlessly before splashing through the surface of the pool. 

 

dissatisfaction pours from trini about the answer and kimberly wonders if they’re about to really talk.

 

‘you don’t wear jason’s jacket.’

 

the change in gears has kimberly blinking out of her mental trance as trini steers away from where she thought this would go. ‘why would i wear his jacket?’

 

trini shrugs and the material of her bomber scratches against the rock face behind her. kimberly licks her dry lips and swallows. repeats and then tries to fill the silence.

 

the truth is: ‘it’s not about the jacket.’

 

‘no?’ 

 

‘it’s about,’ kimberly ducks her head and lets her hair cover her face. the wind blows through the strands and they tickle the back of her neck. ‘-how it feels. how i want to feel.’

 

‘you’re not talking about keeping out the cold are you.’ trini’s voice echoes around the drop in the cavern and back. ‘kim,’

 

‘you know what it’s like don’t you? to not feel-’ kimberly bunches her shoulders up and lowers them slowly. her chin quivers and she forces, forces, a smile. ‘-tethered to the ground. to anything. lost.’

 

kimberly heard the same wandered thoughts in trini the first time they all really talking. that sense of not belonging in a crowd of people, with friends, in a household. she knows trini does. 

 

‘i used to be so sure of myself. i used to walk with my head high.’ revered and unapproached. ‘nothing touched me. and i thought that was impenetrable. that i couldn’t fall if i never looked down.’

 

small things can bring down the biggest giants. a shared photograph that amanda didn’t even remember sending that had lodged into the corner of kimberly’s brain as if waiting for the one day it would become useful. waiting for the day that kimberly would turn to inflict it.

 

‘i made one mistake. or maybe i made a million that led up to the last one and then-’

 

someone is pulling the strings and tightening them around her ribcage until her heart fluttering like wings.

 

‘i don’t know what i would have done if we hadn’t been here when billy found those coins.’

 

she would have been the sharp edge of regret and a slow drop into the ground. 

 

after a while trini prompts her: ‘and now?’

 

‘now i’m here.’ kimberly’s chest deflates. ‘deflecting.’

 

‘do you ever get tired of that?’

 

‘every day.’

 

there’s something brave being found in their exchange. one thing building on another, building kimberly up, to reach something just within touching distance.

 

‘why not jason’s jacket?’ why always prefaces another why. ‘why my stuff?’ which prefaces a shyer ‘why me?’ and trini’s hands clenching into fists by her side. 

 

‘why not you?’ it’s such an instinctive reaction to trini’s own self doubt that kimberly doesn’t quite understand how revealing that question is.

 

‘because of everything i said at the campfire.’

 

kimberly nods slowly. of course she’s thought about that night, when she couldn’t spill her own secrets and instead had to whisper about how much she wanted to die while she sat on jason’s bed in the dead of night, when trini was braver than them all.

 

‘i thought that would matter to you.’

 

that her inclinations are to the curve of a woman’s body to the blush on her cheeks and the softness of her mouth.

 

‘it matters to me.’ kimberly says. validation weaves around her words easier in the direction of others. ‘it’s not about that.’

 

‘it kind of is for me.’ trini states. kimberly can hear the bristle in her voice. 

 

kimberly bites on her bottom lip. ‘you know when you think about how some things in nature ensure their survival? they find shelter. they band in a pack. they look all around them and find the one thing or person-’ she pauses. ‘-that will be able to keep them safe.’

 

animals do it all the time. drawn to the strongest and the bravest and cling to them in order to pass on this to their cubs and children. humans are not so different. 

 

‘you think i can keep you safe.’ trini’s statement is full of her own uncertainties and insecurities. the whirlwind of thoughts that are trying to extinguish the campfire from both of their minds is the same one stoking the flames. 

 

kimberly’s smile feels bitter in her mouth. ‘is there anyone else here sitting with me now?’

 

a blanket of stars begins their watch over the two of them. if they press their hands into the sand of the trails they can feel the vibration of zordon’s ship miles beneath the surface. the town believes that the earth is constantly shifting here just as kimberly feels the boundaries of what she knows move once again.

 

‘i don’t know if i can be that thing for you.’ confessions to the sky that impact against the ground in shattered stars. 

 

‘i wouldn’t ask i,’ kimberly’s palms sweat and her thumb circles a button on the lapel of the borrowed coat. ‘this is-’

 

‘you’re asking.’ trini states with the air of someone pretending not to care so much. she can hear it in the shortness of trini’s breath and the long pause after it. ‘you wouldn’t be out here if you weren’t asking.’

 

‘would it be so bad if i was?’ kimberly turns and stares at trini’s profile just wanting to see some affliction of affect on her features. anything but the collected and calm water she wades in. kimberly is all to used to this, to trini’s steadfast resolve and mask, but right now she needs that to break. ‘i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to dismiss what you said.’

 

‘i don’t know what you’re asking me kim.’ trini turns away from the stars to the sand on rock perch. kimberly breathes as she watches trini scrape the heel of her boots into the ground. ‘safety. comfort. we’re a team. all of us. we look out for each other.’

 

the first time they morphed there was a sense of completion as they stood in the circle together. the energy washing over her and building a literal armor around her pliant form. hardening her from the outside forces of the world and trapping her willingly in the middle of this responsibility.

 

to come away from that, from the height of power and freedom, to the school mornings and lunch lines of doubt. to be made human and vulnerable once again to the looks and words that plagued her before they found their ranger identities. 

 

kimberly can feel herself slipping.

 

‘not like this.’

 

she would die for each and every one of her friends. 

 

she would die without them.

 

‘if that’s not it then,’ now kimberly can see the rolling waves of thoughts in trini’s eyes. ‘what is it that you want?’

 

‘i want to-’ reach out and feel the invulnerability that comes with belonging. to feel as she felt standing in that circle with the rest of them as their problems and their worries faded away and were replaced with a singular goal. a purpose.

 

to replicate that on a base level. to feel that way at night when her stomach turns thinking about the damage she caused. to give that over to someone. 

 

‘maybe, before you start asking me for something.’ trini’s hands are shoved deep in her pockets again, shoulders shrugging up. ‘you should figure out exactly what you’re asking for.’

 

kimberly feels herself scrambling inside. panic scraping up her ribs into a quaking apology. ‘trini i’m sorry.’

 

trini is unwavering. a beacon out at sea. ‘it’s okay.’  

 

whether that’s true or not the words come out of trini’s mouth and controls the tide. still a sliver of that familiar rejection curls it’s dark hand around the back of her neck and pushes down slightly. kimberly can smell the faded wash of trini’s perfume sticking in the collar when she dips her head into the material.

 

the crunch of gravel and stone under trini’s boots signal that she’s clambering back up the rock face and away from their small hideaway.

 

there’s silence and kimberly closes her eyes trying to motivate herself into going back to angel grove. to the muted green walls of her room and perfectly pressed posters and pictures. photograph memories of her before life and her after-life and the mess of emotions between them.

 

‘hey. you’re going home too.’

 

trini waits a beat and then kneels on the ground. it puffs up a cloud of dust that sprinkles down on kimberly. trini extends her hand towards her and somehow kimberly knows before she even jumps up to take it that trini won’t let her fall.

 

it’s easier to walk in step on the way down the trail when there’s someone lighting the way.

 

*

  
  


kimberly had watched as trini’s jacket spun in the washing machine. she’d stayed in the kitchen and listened to the drier going and folded it, still warm, into her backpack.

 

the next day she catches trini at her locker and fishes it out for her only for trini to shrug off the yellow bomber jacket she’s wearing and swap it for the clean army green kimberly has.

 

the inside of the jacket where kimberly is holding is warm from trini wearing it. trini places the other jacket inside her locker and looks at kimberly expectantly. 

 

nerves come out in that urge to steer away as her hands fidget with the collar. ‘yellow isn’t really my colour.’

 

‘no. but it’s mine.’ trini closes her locker and it slams louder than necessary. trini opens it again and there’s a small relief when they both realize she hadn’t broken it with a surge of strength. when the distraction is over trini looks at the jacket in kimberly’s hands and then back to her face. ‘and isn’t that the point?’

 

there’s something so casual in her statement that feels like acceptance. kimberly hasn’t figured out anything overnight and trini probably didn’t lose any more sleep over it than she does usually, but the small gesture has kimberly feeling weak and happy. even if her attention makes trini roll her eyes.

 

‘yeah.’ is all kim can say before pulling her arms through the sleeves. 

 

the jacket still comes to about halfway down her ribs but it’s snug and it smells like trini.

 

*

  
  


a few days go by and the only passing comment made is when zack sees her in the golden yellow jacket in it and jokes: ‘are we all swapping power coins too?’.

 

there’s a difference in the way she holds herself when she’s wearing it. just as there was when she first got whisky and his presence scared off anyone that might bother her. the jacket becomes a bold guard but an understated ‘do not cross’ line that kimberly only begins to figure out when she takes it off.

 

kimberly is exchanging weekend plans with trini based on what billy had texted her during last period. training and meeting up at jason’s house to watch a movie or two, when kimberly becomes aware of someone entering her physical space. unfortunately it’s the same douche who gave billy such a hard time in detention;

 

‘she carry your books too?’

 

colt walks by and slams his shoulder into kimberly’s.

 

fortunately he’s probably 140lbs wet so the hit wouldn’t have made much of an impact even before their transformations but when he slams his shoulder colt almost falls back when kimberly doesn’t budge.

 

still trini steps out when he looks like he’s about to say something stupid; ‘slam into her again and the only thing you’ll be carrying away is your teeth in a bag.’

 

colt may have a foot or more over trini but even he knows when not to step up to the plate and hope the batter misses. 

 

the encounter ricochets through kimberly even as she hears colt walking away and trini muttering something insulting under her breath. she can take care of herself and she would have if trini wasn’t there but his words make the jacket feel slightly suffocating. as if he’s violated something she wasn’t aware of. 

 

‘here,’ kimberly takes it off and folds it over. ‘i have a sweater in my locker.’

 

trini is caught off guard as she stops watching colt retreat down the hall. 

 

‘why? because that dick said something?’ trini stands and doesn’t take her jacket back. ‘i carry my own books.’

 

the throwaway again has the hairs on the back of kimberly’s neck standing up imagining doing something like that for trini if she asked her to.

 

what colt said bothered her. not because it couldn’t be true, but because he thought there was a problem with it.

 

‘i’ve kept it from you all week. i’ll be fine.’ kimberly straightens her back and summons strength into her posture. she holds the jacket back out.

 

trini closes her locker, gently and looks from her to the jacket. ‘you can give it back when you’ve washed it.’ she pulls the straps of her bags over her shoulders and dares kimberly to argue. ‘that’s the rule, right?’

 

kimberly’s hand clenches into the material and crushes into the soft feeling of it. not because of the push back, but because she doesn’t have to let go.

 

kimberly relaxes again and laughs like how could she forget. ‘right.’

 

trini walks with kimberly to her own locker and waits with her while she organises her bag. the sweater inside there remains untouched. 

 

*

  
  
  


the movie jason choses is something picked out of his netflix queue and if they were all different people with normal lives then it probably would have passed over their heads.

 

but in the last few weeks since they morphed and loaded into zords kimberly has become more intune with trini and even in the darkness kimberly can see that a horror movie about a possessed woman was not the way to go.

 

the light coming off the screen is just enough to show how tightly trini is pressing her lips together. her knees are brought into her chest and she sits still even as billy jumps at every flash of light. she’s white knuckling it through the movie like a champ but when kimberly next gets up she brings back one of the thready blankets jason’s mom left out for them.

 

they have the couch because the boys wanted to be closer to the snacks on the table. it also means that trini doesn’t have an audience to her surprise when kimberly wordlessly sits next to her and drapes the blanket over their laps. 

 

connected by a checkerboard of red and green trini exhales deeply. 

 

kimberly keeps watching the screen and trini out of the corner of her eye and thankfully there’s less wound tension in trini for the rest of the film. there’s even a relieved mutter of ‘thank god’ when the plucky and stereotypically white survivors drown the possessed woman and go on to live out the rest of their normal yet traumatized days.

 

the credits roll and the lights go on immediately. jason busies himself with refilling and restocking, only stopping to check that billy is alright talking through his questions with zack before leaving. trini excuses herself quickly and kimberly gives her a moment before following her to the bathroom to check on her.

 

kimberly leans in the doorway because that seems the thing to do. ‘you doing okay?’

 

trini is staring at herself in the mirror. ‘next time billy picks the movie.’ she says. ‘i can sit through iron man 3 or whatever.’

 

‘is that all?’

 

trini glances over at her. she doesn’t look as tense now that the movie is over. ‘after all we’ve seen? it shouldn’t.’

 

‘different triggers i guess.’ kimberly suggests. she’s come to learn a little bit about what that means since she sent that picture to ty fleming. 

 

trini pauses to contemplate. ‘yeah we all have our thing i suppose.’

 

‘this is a thing?’

 

‘are we still talking about the movie?’

 

kim shakes her head. ‘i thought we were talking about you.’

 

‘that never ends well.’ trini replies swiftly. 

 

‘trini.’

 

‘it’s nothing.’

 

‘were you scared in there?’ kimberly asks. all signs point to yes. shielding herself with her body. the stillness. the paralysis that impeded trini just leaving the room while it was on.

 

‘at the movie?’ trini turns back to the mirror. 

 

‘now who’s deflecting.’

 

‘i wasn’t scared.’ trini defends. 

 

kimberly slumps against the doorframe again and quietly offers: ‘you know that whole offer of talking you made goes both ways.’

 

‘i wasn’t.’

 

there’s a small flicker of hurt that rises in her chest. ‘trini-’

 

‘i-’ trini starts to grip the sink in the bathroom before she hears it creak. in place of her hands she pulls kimberly further in and closes the door behind her. 

 

‘you can talk to me about stuff as well you know?’ kimberly echoes trini’s words. ‘i might not have the answers or the words but i’d never come at you from a place of judgement-’

 

‘you’re sweet, kim.’

 

‘trini.’

 

‘i wasn’t, jesus.’ trini pulls the beanie off her head and stuffs it in her back pocket. the only use for the action is so she can push her hair back and hold her hands there for a moment, breathing slowly. ‘it was just familiar.’

 

kimberly leans back against the bathroom door. ‘familiar?’

 

‘possessed woman stalks teenagers and tries to kill them?’ trini points out. ‘familiar.’

 

kimberly figured but trini is leading the conversation.

 

‘i know i don’t talk about it. or much of anything.’ trini says and kimberly can see she’s trying. ‘but that’s when things got real for me. and i can deal with it if it were nightmares. i can deal with a lot of things.’

 

‘you don’t have to deal with them alone.’

 

she speaks too soon because something dies on the tip of trini’s tongue that kimberly wishes she could coax out. for now though it rests back in trini’s throat unsaid. 

 

‘yeah,’

 

something hangs in the air and kimberly pushes up off the door. trini turns the cold tap on and splashes her face. 

 

‘are you staying over?’

 

‘my mom sounded thrilled that i was asking to spend the night with friends.’ trini deadpans. ‘and that three of them were guys.’

 

kimberly looks at her feet and scoffs at the tone of trini’s voice. trini clearly didn’t tell her anything more than that.

 

trini wipes her face with a red towel. ‘you?’

 

kimberly pulls her phone out and looks at the blank unanswered screen. ‘still waiting on permission.’

 

her mom doesn’t know whether or not she needs kimberly to come home and watch the house tonight. it depends on what time her dad is coming back from his trip and whether or not he needs a lift or-

 

there’s a silence in the air before a half affirming noise comes out of trini’s mouth followed by; ‘oh you meant-’

 

trini only looked up to see kimberly on her phone after the fact and kimberly feels herself blush quickly like trini thought kimberly was waiting for her to say if that was okay.

 

‘sorry-’

 

‘no i’m-’

 

trini bundles the towel over the rail and her face has turned the colour of the towel in an instant. ‘we should get back out there.’

 

kimberly doesn’t reply but follows trini back into the den where billy has in fact set up iron man 3. trini holds up the blanket and kimberly slips under it. 

 

the lights go off again as the title screen plays and the inevitable argument about whether or not they’d all win in a fight against iron man starts. kimberly sinks into the couch, as near to trini as she dares, for the movie.

 

the pixelated ‘yes’ that comes through on her phone from her mom halfway through seems overdue and null by the time it comes through. like she’d known that already.

 

*

 

wednesday rolls around and kimberly is missing training. her body doesn’t if she counts the bruises and aches that she has but there’s a deep longing for wanting to be in the pit or the control room. the reassurance of zordon and alpha and her friends can’t be replaced by a couple of hours seeing them walking between classes. 

 

she’s not wishing for some sort of crisis since the town is still accepting aid and help from outside to help it rebuild but if time would pass faster and bring school around again kimberly wouldn’t mind. 

 

in place of that kimberly starts catching up on a weekend full of snapchat stories she hasn’t played through. she’s usually on top of these things now that her friends list is down from the 100s to the 20s and it's more manageable.

 

_ (a lot of people unfriended her in the immediate aftermath of fleming-gate and kimberly would be interested to know whether it was because she released the picture of amanda or whether it was more before she punched ty’s tooth out). _

 

billy’s are always pretty well crafted as he keeps a touch pen to draw things around the pictures he takes. there are a couple of good iron man doodles in the background of pictures he’s taken of himself or jason.

 

zack’s just seems to be made up of him and trini pointing at things and kimberly skips through the first few snaps of it before realizing everything they were pointing to was colour coded. 

 

zack’s face pops up on her screen pointing at the black watch jason was wearing during their movie night with a scribble of white writing over the top saying ‘ **MINE** ’. 

 

black iphone case; mine. kimberly’s black car; mine.

 

after a while zack runs out of things to reply with and kimberly moves onto trini’s snapchat story fully expecting the continuation of the battle. trini doesn’t have anything from their movie night but the next morning there’s a clear snap of a full glass of orange juice snapped with white writing as: mine.

 

trini has clearly gone above and beyond zack’s efforts as bananas, egg yokes, yellow book covers and more and claimed as trini’s. kimberly is smiling wide as trini’s face pops up in a triumphant selfie just so she can tag her golden yellow beanie as hers as well. 

 

the little countdown timer runs out slowly and is then replaced with a picture of herself waving from across the breakfast table. kimberly remembers having a mouth full of cheerios and trying to smile without letting them all burst from her mouth. jason had poked her in the ribs trying to make it happen until she’d poked him back hard enough to bruise.

 

the memory settles on her chest like whisky does when he cuddles and kimberly flickers over herself before it changes. 

 

that’s when she spots an arrow pointing to her, in trini’s golden bomber jacket, with a cursive ‘ **mine** ’ attached in the corner.

 

the snap expires and kimberly stares at the white list of her contacts with her mouth slightly open.

 

suddenly she might have the words for this.

 

*

 

 

if google could feel exhausted from searches kimberly believes she would have overworked the engine. 

 

thinking she has the words for something is a far cry from having the specific search terms in mind and after several unsuccessful tries and alarming results kimberly has to start narrowing things down.

 

and switching to an incognito window for her privacy history’s sake.

 

the results lead to questions that lead to reflection on reflection and the replaying of that story just to see the small possessive scribble in the corner of the picture of her.

 

it's about the jacket. it’s about who the jacket belongs to. it’s about who the jacket belongs to and what that says about the person wearing it. about what kimberly wants it to say.

 

and how this is more than just the jacket. and what that means or could mean or-

 

the red digits of her bedside alarm clock tell her that though this feels like the time for self-discovery it’s also not the time to be getting lost down the internet rabbit hole. 

 

everything is clear from her screen before she falls asleep. it makes the panic when she wakes up with whisky sleeping on the bed next to her disappear quickly. kimberly covers her eyes with a hand and rubs the top of whisky’s head for a while until she wakes up fully.

 

he places his head on her stomach and she scratches just under his collar when she starts to think again. 

 

little puzzle pieces slide into place and kimberly holds her breath so suddenly and for so long that whisky whimpers until she breathes again. 

 

kimberly sits up in her bed, a day full of bio and confrontations ahead of her, to stare at trini’s washed jacket hanging off the back of her desk chair.

 

‘fuck.’

 

*

 

nervous energy is something her body hates. she wants a sense of control to temper the anxiety she feels. 

 

putting the jacket on dampens some of it but now she has a direction for her own thoughts they’re flooding her mind in all ways. distracting her on her route between classes and buzzing around in her head while she’s trying to read through her history notes. 

 

she has a fixation.

 

and there’s only one person she can hope to figure this out with.

 

trini is about to get in line for lunch when kimberly comes to her side. she gets a few disgruntled looks from other students who think she’s pushing at first. kimberly keeps her voice down and whispers ‘can we ditch?’.

 

trini immediately sets in a ready stance. ‘ranger thing?’

 

‘no.’

 

trini tilts her head in confusion. ‘family thing?’

 

‘no.’

 

kimberly fiddles with the zip on the jacket at the end and trini’s eyes dart up and down her body.

 

‘your thing?’ she tries. 

 

‘yeah.’ kimberly nods. trini doesn’t wait for her to continue before leaving the line and walking towards the doors. 

 

they’re seniors so no one questions when they slip out at lunch to eat in town and forget to return. 

 

they wander through town and take in the damage still left from their battle. roads still closed. massive footprints from their zords and megazord. people still living in community centres, unable to go back hom. kimberly and the others have been volunteering for some of the aid groups when they roll into town. misplaced guilt despite saving the world. 

 

‘it’s amazing isn’t it?’

 

trini looks at her and waits for her to continue.

 

‘she tore this town apart to the point people might have been better off just steamrolling the entire thing.’ besides the school. somehow the school survived. ‘instead of starting again.’

 

‘the human race.’ trini says. ‘we hate giving things up.’

 

trini looks over at kimberly while they stare out at the pile of rubble where the krispy kreme used to be. where they buried the zeo crystal under thousands of tons of dirt. 

 

‘come on.’ trini pushes them onwards.

 

they don’t go to the trails or the ship. they don’t brave the cold of the mine or angel grove’s forest.

 

instead trini walks them down her own road and leads them up the steps to her house.

 

at kimberly’s visible hesitation, trini stops turning the key in the door. ‘my mom is at my grandma’s with my brothers and my dad is at work until 7.’ she unlocks the door and opens it slightly. ‘we’ll be good here.’

 

trini waits until kimberly has followed her up to the porch before opening the door and inviting her inside. 

 

there’s a cosy feel to it that trini often describes as stifling when she talks about home. kimberly feels that’s a comment on the people she shares it with because walking through the house to trini’s bedroom makes her feel lighter with each step.

 

kimberly follows trini where she goes and sees what she sees. her bedroom is a mixture of posters and collections of tickets. tiny cacti sit on the windowsill behind her desk and it makes kimberly smile. half the room is bare revealing plaster and cracks in the wall. there’s a pile of broken wood in the corner that has a piece of paper stuck to it detailing it as ‘trash’. 

 

the aftermath of the attack.

 

trini crosses over to her bed and props herself up against her headboard. looking to the right kimberly can see where the bricks have been crushed by the force of something slamming against it. when she looks back trini is gesturing for her to sit.

 

and with that she starts to talk. ‘before we became the rangers, before we discovered the ship-i didn’t want to be here.’

 

her stomach feels empty, twisting with nerves that make her feel sick. 

 

trini scrunches her nose. ‘what do you mean?’

 

‘i mean i didn’t want to be here anymore.’ she doesn’t want to explain it outloud. the feeling of wanting to disappear. to die. ‘i did a bad thing and i paid for it. i lost a lot of my friends and lost a lot of my parents’ trust. i lost a lot of things but that was nothing compared to realizing how much i hated myself for it.’    

 

‘poor me right?’ kimberly sniffs and clears her throat. ‘and i kept thinking that and i almost stopped us from being able to morph. i almost messed all of this up.’

 

‘you didn’t mess anything up.’ trini insists. 

 

‘i don’t think you guys really get how much you all mean to me.’ kimberly struggles for the words. ‘as friends. i don’t have to pretend around you. i can just- be.’

 

without them there’s no certainty where she would be. 

 

‘but lately i just-’ kimberly pulls at the thread popping out of the knee of her jeans. ‘my head just hasn’t been here, i haven’t been here and i felt like-’

 

trini finishes. ‘you were slipping.’

 

‘what more could i want though?’ kimberly has made these coping arguments before. there’s always someone else who is in more trouble or more need. what could she want for?  ‘i’m not alone. i’m not in danger- i have all of you.’

 

‘that doesn’t mean you just get better. it doesn’t mean you stop wanting things.’ trini says.

 

trini is the other side to her internal argument. 

 

‘i didn’t think i wanted this.’ kimberly admits aloud. 

 

‘what?’

 

kimberly looks at her. ‘to feel like i belong to someone.’

 

‘kim,’ trini suddenly leans back against her pillows.

 

‘it’s not a bad thing to want that.’ kimberly stresses her words. ‘it’s not some ra-ra anti-girl power thing where i have to have someone and if i don’t i’m less it’s not that it’s-’

 

trini pinches the bridge of her nose. ‘if you start in on the animal thing again-’

 

‘about feeling safe.’ kimberly explains. ‘cared for.’

 

the reaction that sparks in trini isn’t one she was expecting. her friend sits forward and with a pained tone she says: ‘and you’re asking me to do that? do you realize what you’re even saying? we’re friends. i would die for you just as soon as i would die for all of them. you know that.’

 

kimberly doesn’t miss a beat. ‘is this any different?’

 

‘this is more than just wearing my jacket and letting people believe that there’s something there.’ trini accuses back. ‘this is deeper for you and this is playing on me’

 

‘what?’

 

‘you want me to be your shelter? tether you when you’re lost.’ trini repeats kimberly’s initial words back to her. ‘are you even into girls?’

 

the memory of the heat of the campfire rushes through her and kimberly feels embarrassed suddenly.

 

‘trini.’

 

‘i get to ask that.’ trini replies. ‘if you’re asking me for something and not asking yourself something that important then this is far from fair on me.’

 

‘i didn’t think about it like that.’

 

‘i’m not asking you to suddenly have another revelation right here sitting on my bed. i’m asking did you even think about that when you thought about who you felt safest with?’

 

kimberly’s mouth dries up. ‘i didn’t.’

 

something that looks like disappointment washes over trini’s face and she sighs. there’s a moment where kimberly feels like she’s messed all of this up. that this is the last thing she’ll confide in trini before they go back their separate ways. 

 

but she always underestimates her friend.

 

‘i can help you figure this out kim but-’ trini sounds resigned. ‘i can’t be apart of something like this and not feel something.’

 

‘i’m sorry.’ is all kimberly can think to say in the face of glossing over this vital part. that trini feels something. 

 

‘hey.’ trini speaks softly. ‘i didn’t mean to step on this but-’

 

‘no you don’t have to say that.’ kimberly blinks and shakes her head to dismiss trini’s unnecessary apology. ‘i’m the one who’s pushed this on you and not even thought about what you want. or how you feel.’

 

‘it’s easy enough to do.’ trini says. ‘talk to me still.’

 

it feels stupid to still confess something like this when she’s been rebuffed and for it to be so central around trini as well.

 

kimberly feels compelled to do so even though there’s a sting that follows her words. ‘i saw your snapchat. with me.’

 

trini cycles through expressions of confusion until she remembers her own game. 

 

‘and i, uh-’ kimberly shrugs her shoulders and sniffs again until she doesn’t feel like crying so much. ‘-i know it was meant to be a joke, about the jacket but when i saw it and i thought it was about me i just-’

 

trini’s face flushes slightly. 

 

‘i felt good.’ kimberly admits. ‘like for the first time about something that wasn’t meeting all of you and fighting together. it was just the thought that i was-’

 

‘mine.’ trini’s voice sounds strained.

 

‘yeah-’ kimberly wipes the wetness around her eyes. ‘and i spent all night trying to put that down somehow. about why i feel good around you. why i get stupidly happy wearing your stuff and-’

 

kimberly stops talking for a second to nervously tap her fingers against her throat. ‘thinking people recognise that as you having a claim over me.’

 

trini’s eyes widen slightly at the words but that’s the only indication that she’s processing this.

 

‘that’s not how i want to describe it and i tried to think of it in other ways but i guess what it is really is the idea of possession- not in the biblical sense but-’

 

‘what did you think of?’

 

kimberly wishes she could ask trini to ask a more specific question but really it leaves room for everything and anything. in the end it wants to bring the root of why they’re here to the surface. to the physical representation of what kim is struggling to say.

 

‘you.’ kimberly admits. trini is watching her so patiently that kimberly has to look down and hope that nothing shatters in the rest of the moment. ‘putting a,’ she pauses and collects and pauses. ‘collar. around my neck.’

 

her nerves bring out the specificity as if trini wouldn’t know what to do with a leather collar. as if it wasn’t a description enough just to say one word. 

 

when trini doesn’t reply after a few seconds kimberly takes a deep breath; ready to retract or laugh or pull herself out of the room as fast as she can-

 

‘don’t.’ trini stops her cold. ‘just give me a second.’

 

kimberly looks up from her lap to where trini is propped up against her pillows. she’s schooling her expression like she thinks any sudden change will scare kimberly off like a mouse. but the subtleness in her stillness and the light from her window shows a flush of red blooming on trini’s neck.

 

oh.

 

‘was that too much?’ kimberly still asks because trini has yet to do more than silently blush over what kimberly has told her.

 

just before it gets to a point past saving kimberly watches as trini slowly swallows and speaks up. ‘i’ve spent more nights than i can count reliving the night an all-powerful space witch invaded my room and attacked me to the point where those dreams aren’t about her tossing me about to hurt me.’

 

at kimberly’s confusion at the sudden derailing of the conversation, trini clarifies. ‘sex, kim.’

 

kimberly keeps listening as trini laces her hands together and watches her. 

 

‘by that standard, wanting to wear my clothes, wanting me to-’ trini stares at kimberly’s neck. ‘really isn’t that big of a deal.’

 

‘oh.’ kimberly is dazed by the weight leaving her shoulders. ‘rita?’

 

‘it’s a power thing.’ trini mumbles. ‘or at least that’s what the internet tells me.’

 

the exchange of information brings a shift in the air. showing hers for trini’s makes talking easier. 

 

‘that’s your thing?’

 

‘girls or power?’ trini asks. ‘or getting roughed up by a ranger. you’re going to have to be specific.’

 

kimberly senses she’s being teased halfway through the response and she snorts in response. trini gives her a smile and that reassures her that things are okay.

 

‘i’m dealing with it.’ trini admits. ‘it seems like we both are.’

 

kimberly bites down on her lip and forces back that stinging feeling of rejection. trini isn’t saying this to be mean and she’s not saying this to hurt her. she really didn’t think much further than the limits of what she figured out. and that’s on her.

 

‘it’s not a bad thing.’ trini says. ‘i just think that i’m not the person you want to do this with.’

 

a part of her is knocking against her rib cage objecting to that because sitting here listening to this makes it harder for kimberly not to imagine it being trini wrapped up in this vision she has.

 

‘and that’s not me saying that what you like isn’t what you like or want. i’m saying you haven’t really thought about it like this before.’

 

‘as in?’ kimberly asks.

 

‘was it really about me or is it about-’ trini’s eyes dart down to kimberly’s neck. ‘the collar.’

 

‘i don’t know.’ kimberly closes her eyes and apologises. ‘i’m sorry.’

 

‘don’t worry about it.’ trini waves it off trying to make her feel better. it doesn’t work. kimberly feels her chest tighten as her words are squeezed out.

 

‘no, no, i-’ kimberly covers her eyes with a hand. ‘i’ve just dumped all of this on you and this is so embarrassing-’

 

so caught up in the light bulb moment that she didn't think to stop and consider.

 

‘why? because i know what gets you off?’ trini replies with a tinge of amusement. ‘because i think by fantasy standards mine is a little weirder than yours.’

 

kimberly uncovers her eyes and looks at trini. ‘when you put it that way-’

 

‘you can buy collars on the internet.’ trini points out. ‘you can’t mail order someone with superpowers to get into the finer points of impact play.’

 

kimberly loses track of that halfway through. ‘i don’t know what that means.’

 

trini turns red again and kimberly presumes that trini was hoping she’d latch onto a different part of that conversation. ‘lets save that for another bonding session.’

 

kimberly shies slightly. ‘you’re going to talk about this again at some point?’

 

‘i like you kim and i want you to figure this all out and be happy with what you end up with.’ trini states. ‘before you start getting into complicated feelings.’

 

‘complicated feelings?’ kimberly repeats. ‘about you?’

 

‘about girls.’

 

that's a wide world of possibility that she hadn’t considered. the small knocking on her ribs returns and kimberly files away the wonder of whether she really needs to consider that far in the first place.

 

‘okay.’ kimberly says. the rest of the room seems to come into existence again as their conversation trails off. ‘you’re not going anywhere?’

 

trini leans back again, tension draining from her, and smiles. ‘the last time i tried to get away from you, you dragged me off a cliff.’

 

kimberly laughs so hard and so suddenly that it comes out as a snort. it takes trini off guard completely and both of them end up laughing until sound isn’t coming out and sighing at the end. 

 

‘i’ve learned my lesson.’ trini jokes. 

 

kimberly lets the pause hang between them on the bed until trini shuffles away from the pillows and, hesitantly, takes her hand. when kimberly looks at her she finds trini using her free hand to tug the sleeve of /her/ jacket.

 

‘i don’t mind this.’ trini says quietly contemplating. ‘you wearing my stuff.’

 

suddenly kimberly chokes up again. ‘are you sure?’

 

trini nods. ‘take your time to figure it out. i’ll be here.’

 

when she says it like that, kimberly reflects, it sounds a lot like she’ll be waiting.

 

*

 

‘how thick do you want it?’ 

 

kimberly chokes on her water and ends up spitting some of it out through the gaps in the bleachers were she’s sitting glaring out at the practicing cheerleaders. kimberly is sure she can hear someone laughing from the field.

 

when she’s finished spluttering kimberly looks to her right to see trini just staring at her waiting for the answer her question.

 

‘excuse me?’

 

‘the collar.’ trini repeats like she hasn’t just appeared out of nowhere and ambushed kimberly with these questions. ‘how thick?’

 

kimberly has taken to calling it / _the collar_ / until the day comes when she gets it because then it’s real and then it’s / _her_ / collar. and that takes on a whole new meaning from that point.

 

‘because i’ve seen those little strappy things you wear sometimes-’ trini gestures to her collar bones. ‘and i guess if you wanted something discreet we could find something like that but-’

 

‘oh my god.’ kimberly feels her brain short-circuit.

 

trini sits down on the bench next to her with her hands still shoved in the pockets of her zip up hoody. ‘caught you off guard.’

 

kimberly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘i didn’t expect to be having this conversation before lunch.’

 

trini just tilts her head like she’s not to blame and kimberly tears her eyes away from the field. 

 

‘i don’t know.’ she says.

 

‘liar.’

 

‘really?’

 

‘liar.’ trini repeats with more certainty. ‘there’s no way you get me to ditch school with you and bear all those feelings and thoughts if you haven’t done your research.’

 

kimberly hart keeps her damn mouth shut about that.

 

‘kimberly, i’m trying to help.’

 

‘and i’m trying not to associate you with something that gets me off.’ kimberly fires back hoping to throw trini off the case. 

 

‘you want to talk to zack about this instead?’ trini tests.

 

no such luck. kimberly turns away from the field to face trini. ‘you’re such a-’

 

‘helpful individual?’ trini finishes with faint amusement. ‘who has a PO box under her name at angel groves’ only post office?’

 

‘where are you going-’ kimberly winds off. ‘oh. oh!’

 

trini waits for that to sink in and they both listen to the  _ ‘go go tigers!’ _ chants from the angel grove cheerleaders. for a second kimberly can remember the feel of the uniform and the whip of her hair in her face mid routine.

 

‘i have bookmarks.’ kimberly finally admits. 

 

trini doesn’t say anything and kimberly is grateful that there’s no pressure to take anything forward. but now that she’s said it her phone burns in her pocket like it’s her power coin.

 

her internet history at home is carefully deleted whenever she’s finished and kimberly has become adept at hiding things on her phone.

 

she has way too many pictures of the rest of the rangers in their armor posing next to their zords for her to ever allow iCloud to activate on her phone.

 

kimberly slips her phone out of her pocket and ignores the crack across the screen. her parents have told her that any further damages to this second iphone she has will be coming out of her own money. and she really doesn’t want to have to keep replacing her phone. 

 

she opens an incognito window up and her recent searches flash up. trini scoots closer and kimberly looks for what she had saved first.

 

‘i still don’t feel like i know what i’m doing but i just look at some things and-’

 

there are little white squares with products displayed in them. a lot of them have names that kimberly doesn’t really want to repeat.

 

it makes her think of what trini said about how her dreams were tied to sex and how a part of her doesn’t really know whether there is a sexual aspect to all of this. at least, it’s too early to tell. 

 

trini tries to help her sort through while looking over her shoulder at her phone. ‘what don’t you like?’

 

‘metal.’ kimberly says instantly. ‘i can’t-’

 

there are a lot of sites she’s scrolled through that only sell metal style collars. thin to thick, silver to coloured bands, but all permanent. all locked and bearing warnings about what to do in emergencies. 

 

if her parents ever saw it, let alone if she ever had to go to the hospital... 

 

‘so leather?’

 

the filter on the website lets her block out choices she doesn’t like so the metal collars easily disappear. what remains look more approachable, less scary.

 

kimberly sets the phone closer to the space between them and lets trini touch the screen to scroll through. there’s mild interest written on trini’s face but kimberly still feels like she’s buzzing with nerves as they look together.

 

‘colour.’

 

kimberly looks at trini with a stupid grin. 

 

‘pink is not subtle.’ trini states, pointing at her. ‘spray the D ring pink or whatever but don’t-’

 

‘it’s not?’ kimberly pretends to be shocked. ‘but it’s so me.’

 

trini shakes her head, giving up. ‘i don’t think i’d take you seriously if i saw you wearing a pink collar-’

 

‘oh so,’ kimberly deflects and deflects well. ‘-you want to see me in the collar.’

 

the satisfaction of seeing trini open and close her mouth trying to find a comeback, and failing, can’t be measured. the blush that comes over trini can and it spreads from her cheeks to just under her jaw.

 

rendering her friend speechless has it’s perks even if kimberly does agree that there is a certain tacky feeling about getting something that bright. and pink. 

 

and she says that from a standpoint of having flown a pink coloured pterodactyl robot.

 

they’re filtering the choices down on this website. 

 

trini manages to clear her throat. ‘size.’

 

there are a number of options and styles and weights. kimberly scrolls past anything that has /posture/ in the description which rule out a number of collars that would keep her head in a fixed position. 

 

there’s something about the pictures she'd seen of some women wearing collars with a significant thickness that draws her in. it’s obvious and bold. unable to be misinterpreted. 

 

‘edges bound in  butter soft lambskin-’ 

 

kimberly blinks and refocuses on the screen. ‘where are you reading that?’

 

trini double taps on one of the collars on the screen. the description reads as a / _medium weight slave band_ / and reading that in the same sentence as soft lambskin seems like an oxymoron. trini has no such hesitation as she zooms in to read the specifications. 

 

‘made to order. high standards of workmanship.’ trini scoffs. ‘well i’d hope so if you want people to wear these things-’

 

it’s all black with a silver ring attached to the front. 

 

‘stitched in traditional buckle.’ trini taps onto the picture and it gives a view of it from the back. there’s no lock, which eases kimberly’s anxiety a little, just a buckle the same colour as the ring. 

 

kimberly reads at her own pace which means she’s mentally sizing it 1.25 inches in thickness when trini scrolls down again and reads out; ‘ the designs with D-rings or O-rings can have leashes, leads or chains attached to them for added elements of erotic restraint-’

 

kimberly swallows her own spit and keeps her mouth shut. 

 

trini however keeps going, and with a smirk; ‘they have different colour threads available.’

 

trini takes a look at kimberly and must see something concerning because she pauses. ‘are you okay?’

 

‘it’s a lot.’

 

‘we can take a second.’

 

the second lasts longer than their lunch break and kimberly has to wait, turning the choices over in her head, until after school when trini promises to come over and help with the rest of it.

 

kimberly takes the time to unlock her window and close her bedroom door as she opens up her computer browser. 

 

the band she’d been hovering over on her phone looks better in a fuller screen. she can see it clearer and though the description still makes her blush (she’s read the word slave and mistress more than she ever thought she would in her lifetime) it’s easier to look at when she’s not on her phone.

 

and all the promises trini had joked about; the material, the threading, the buckle- feels clinical and normal. not like this is something weird.

 

that feeling lasts until trini shows up, feet first, coming in through her window and kimberly spots something in her hand.

 

‘is that a tape measure?’

 

trini tosses it over to her. ‘there’s no way you’re going to shell out $40 for someone to make you something in the wrong size.’

 

kimberly lets the tape unravel in her hand. ‘you have a point there.’

 

trini comes over and turns kimberly’s computer towards her. ‘so this one?’

 

kimberly nods and trini scrolls up and down the page reminding herself of it. kimberly waits for something and when trini takes her hand away from the mousepad and says ‘it’s nice kim’ kimberly feels like that’s the one.

 

it’s not like she was waiting for trini’s approval or anything.

 

they move on after that. before they can confirm anything, before kimberly can order or trini can give over the PO Box address they have to get the measurements right.

 

kimberly searches through a few guides before she comes across one both of them can understand. 

 

‘wrap the tape snug around the narrowest part of the neck.’ kimberly reads. ‘make the tape fairly tight and make a note of the measurement. add half an inch if under 15 inches.’’

 

trini makes a quick scoff of laughter. ‘said every boy ever.’

 

kimberly grins back even as she keeps reading on. with the measurements she’ll be able to type into the order box along with any other requests. 

 

the pink thread may have been a joke but kimberly has grown attached to the idea of it. 

 

‘hold that for a second-’ trini says as she pulls a hair tie from her wrist.

 

kimberly taps away at the information underneath sizing. ‘so how do these things show up?’

 

‘what do you mean?’

 

‘am i going to have to explain to my dad about my card statement saying something when it goes through? or when it arrives?’

 

‘it’s a discreet service.’ trini points out. ‘the box isn’t going to show up with / **TOP TO BOTTOM LEATHERS** / stamped on the front when you pick it up.’

 

kimberly licks her lips while trini gathers her hair up into a loose ponytail. the last time someone did her hair was on the last away trip she went on with the squad. harper had quickly fixed up some of her braids before they’d gotten off the bus. it had been a pulling and near painful experience as harper had wanted to get back to her other conversations. 

 

this is different. 

 

trini fumbles with the hair tie like she’s only used to doing this for herself. not that kimberly has ever seen trini with her hair up. some strands of her hair fall around her face and trini huffs giving up on the lost pieces. 

 

kimberly distracts herself. ‘how do you know?’

 

‘know what?’

 

‘that it doesn’t show up with / **TOP TO BOTTOM LEATHERS** /?’

 

‘because its a disclaimer on the website.’ trini finishes snapping the hair tie into place and leans down close to her ear just to mess with her. ‘nice try.’

 

kimberly gives trini her best _/i’ll figure it out_ / look before she hands over the tape measure.

 

everything is fine again until trini wraps the tape around kimberly’s neck and sends small shockwaves of anticipation through her body because this is real, this is happening.

 

trini doesn’t speak while she’s tightening the tape. her hand grabs for a spare pen and kimberly feels so still that she can hear the scratching of the pen on trini’s hand. 

 

‘what’d i come in as.’

 

‘13”- but it’ll go down as 13.5”.’ trini lets the tape loosen and kimberly breathes out. missing it. 

 

with it’s loss comes a small wave of insecurity. 

 

‘i feel stupid.’ she says suddenly. 

 

trini puts down the tape. ‘why?’

 

‘why am i buying it?’ 

 

it’s a fixation born from self-discovery. the feeling of trini’s jacket on her shoulders makes her feel lighter and happier and she’s hoping that isn’t misplaced in this other shape.

 

‘because it’s something you want.’

 

the response is simple and to the point. like there isn’t any reason for doubt to be sounding out in kimberly’s voice.

 

there’s a ‘but’ in the air that trini addresses again. ‘this doesn’t have to be something you explore with someone else. it’s a feeling right? a want.’

 

it’s something she discovered alone. 

 

‘yeah.’ kimberly murmurs.

 

‘so when you get it, you have the power.’ trini explains. ‘you choose when you put it on and what you can and can’t do.’

 

kimberly tugs at the zip on the golden jacket. trini notices. ‘and you get to choose who sees you in it.’

 

kimberly can’t imagine what her first time with it will look like. how it will feel in her hands. how it will look in the mirror. 

 

‘you don’t have to figure this out yet.’ trini reminds her. 

 

it’s not here yet. 

 

kimberly scoffs and smiles. ‘i don’t think i’ve ever heard you talk so much.’

 

‘yeah well.’ trini pretends to grumble as she stands behind kimberly. ‘you’ll sit there and have a big kinky panic otherwise.’

 

kimberly can’t help but reach back to where trini is still looking over her shoulder, just in distance, and wait for trini to follow through with her request. 

 

there’s unfamiliarity in it as trini steps forward and brings her arm around, her forearm pressing against kimberly’s collarbone, and her chin resting upon kimberly’s head. they haven’t ever hugged like this and kimberly half expects to close her eyes and wake up in the pit with trini locking her into a move. but she doesn’t.

 

kimberly feels goosebumps popping on her arms as trini breathes softly and steadily behind her. 

 

trini stays there, leaning slightly and tracing circles on kimberly’s shoulder, as kimberly starts to order. the size is typed out and the thread colour picked. the shipping is cheaper than she imagined and the creeping anxiety that follows pressing the order button is abated when a confirmation email comes through. 

 

welcome. thank you. processing. a few weeks.

 

the email reassures her that the packaging will be nondescript and any statements will only show a payment to SC limited. 

 

in a short amount of time it’ll be here. 

 

and then it’ll be / _her collar_ /.

 

*

  
  
  


angel grove repairs itself little by little each week. kimberly finds herself lending a hand to those worse off after school and her dad starts to look past the drastic changes she’s made in the last year and focus in on the good she’s doing. 

 

it helps when she’s surrounded by better people than amanda and harper. jason often walks over, limping, to get a lift to wherever their detention crew is volunteering. 

 

they’re strong enough to move rubble and build fences and they begin to make games out of who can act like the tasks are tough. zack often wins with his dramatic flair for attempting to pick up large tools with maximum effort. billy keeps them on track, always.

 

and kimberly feels less like she’s slipping when she’s around them. 

 

there are no traces of rita left on the planet. her putties died when rita was cast out. a large foot shaped in gold is the only reminder of what she was. and that’s slowly being fought over by town authorities, miners and anyone who tries to jump the barriers in the middle of the night to steal some from it. 

 

it’s all a distraction leading kimberly along until trini comes into school one day with a small box. unassuming with a small white label on the front of it with kimberly’s name on it. trini passes it over by kimberly’s locker with a sarcastic ‘happy birthday’ that has billy convinced all of the rangers have forgotten kimberly turning a year older.

 

(kimberly feels bad telling him it was a joke especially after seeing how excited he was at the thought of organising something for her).

 

the box sits untouched in her locker until the end of the day and then kimberly feels it burning a hole in the bottom of her bag as she drives home.

 

it’s stuffed under her pillow as soon as she gets in as her responsibilities at home pile on first. as much as she wants to open it, kimberly wants no chance of being interrupted when she does so everything her dad asks her to do is done. dishes, tidying, clearing out the back of her car-

 

she’s delaying opening it. 

 

kimberly sits against the headboard of her bed. the box between her legs on the pale blue sheets. the disclaimer didn’t lie. there’s no bold giveaway to what’s inside. the package doesn’t even rattle inside. 

 

the thought of what’s inside makes her hands shake when she picks it up. it’s silly because she chose it, she ordered it, she wants it. yet it comes back on the reality of it.

 

_ /the collar/ _

 

it’s late enough that her dad won’t be knocking on her door, thinking she’s asleep, and this is usually the time she’d sneak out of her room to run off for training but there’s nothing on tonight. 

 

just this.

 

the box tears open easily enough and inside there’s an order note with the repeated /thank you for your order/ which kimberly puts to one side. then it’s pulling off the small amount of bubble wrap to reveal the collar. 

 

it’s real.

 

black and sturdy. the lambskin advertised is no joke as her hands feel the switch from the leather front to the inside of the collar. the thread lining it altogether is tight and neat. it’s pink which stops her nerves and makes her smile. the D ring feels cool in her fingers when she hooks her finger around it.

 

hers.

 

there’s nothing outside her door but still kimberly closes her window and locks it. she pushes her desk chair in front of her bedroom door and picks up the collar to take into the bathroom.

 

her vanity has half used bottles of make up and packets of painkillers and gauze. an arsenal of tools that keep her getting up in the morning and looking like she hasn’t been battered during training. her mirror is clean though and doesn’t make her flinch back as it does in the harsh light of the morning. 

 

kimberly memorises this moment as she goes through instructions. 

 

_ /fasten your collar in front of a mirror-/ _

 

kimberly unbuckles the back of the collar. it’s new and stiff and it takes more than a simple tug to pull it free. it retains it’s shape when she places it down by the sink. 

 

_ /better yet get a partner to do it for you/ _

 

she swallows down that wish as she twists her hair into a ponytail, catching the wisps that fall out at first. 

 

the rest follows. kimberly runs cold water into the bowl and washes the makeup off her face. she dries her face, dabbing the towel over her neck as well. 

 

she sees a lot of things when she looks at herself in the mirror. someone who both is and isn’t worthy. someone who deserves and doesn’t. someone struggling.

 

_ /your head should be upright and facing forward. your neck should be straight./ _

 

the lambskin tickles her throat. it’s soft when she presses it against her skin. her fingers press the outside leather in place as she wraps it around her neck. she keeps the collar still when her fingers take control of the buckle. 

 

the metal slips through the hole and it sits. 

 

_ /once you have it wrapped around, tighten the collar slowly, making sure you can still breathe and swallow./ _

 

her lungs expand with a deep breath before she sighs it out. the aftermath of air expelling into the air comes in a trembling of her bottom lip. kimberly swallows and on reflection readjusts the back of the collar, tightening it up one notch.

 

_ /when you think you have the tightness right, try to slip two fingers under the collar all the way around. if you can’t do this, your collar is too tight./ _

 

kimberly slides two fingers between her skin and the lambskin side and trails around the edge of this new universe of experience. she doesn’t run into any problems.

 

her whole body is wrapped up in the solid accessory buckled around her neck. kimberly traps the spare leather under the free loop and pulls the hair tie out of her hair. it falls down in messy waves and hides parts of the collar.

 

in a trance she looks up and finds that she’s crying.

 

there’s no crocodile origins to these tears that fall, just relief and a genuine smile that spreads across her face. looking at herself in the mirror feels so guilt free. 

 

she’s not looking in her eyes and seeing amanda’s dad breaking down or the image she sent burnt there. there’s no hating the way her hair sits or the redness of her eyes. there’s no picking at every little thing. 

 

not when she’s wearing this.

 

it’s hers. 

 

her collar. 

 

there could be an invisible string pulling at the ring and lodging itself in the ground. she feels unmovable and present. a new face looking back at her instead of all the memories she pushes down.

 

and it makes her want more.

 

with that comes restraint because everything seems to wake up when she has her collar locked around her neck. her body buzzes with want for something unspoken like something unclaimed should. nothing she can give it or promise it but her own selfish attention. 

 

she keeps her collar on and lies back on her bed with blue sheets and runs her hands up and down her body, under her shirt and between her legs, with teasing touches that end in a rushed orgasm before kimberly can even take her pants off. 

 

everything feels more intense. the world pressing in on her in an attentive haze.

 

it’s dark and her hand is sticky and her pulse flutters wildly against the leather and kimberly is suddenly sober a feeling that lasts past kimberly unclipping her collar with shaking hands and placing it carefully back in it’s box underneath her mattress.

 

sleep comes just as quick.

 

*

 

she feels groggy in the morning. 

 

the kind that sticks to the back of her eyelids and drags on through the day. sleepwalking through her breakfast and the ride to school. 

 

her phone is buzzing and blowing up with their ranger group chat but there’s no cause for concern. the world's’ ending text messages are usually followed by her power coin vibrating or trying to hover. 

 

there’s nothing preventing her from making it to homeroom and english and math and the following classes. the only bright spark to her day is sitting with billy during their shared lunch period and watching him draw up diagrams about future lego projects. at least she hopes it’s lego and not an actual battle axe. 

 

after that the slowness returns and kimberly feels herself check out during her last class as they catch up on reading. 

 

it feels like such a contrast to last night. the nerves opening the box and seeing her collar for the first time. the feel of it in her hands and the new weight to it. when kimberly swallows now she can imagine the press of it against her throat. 

 

one hand turns the page of her textbook while the other touches her neck. 

 

just thinking about last night has her shaking out of her slump.

 

how awake, how refreshed; new. perspective rolled down her back and set fire to the doubts. all the things she’d confessed to trini bubbling up to the surface. 

 

the possession wasn’t more than her own hands but it was a start. reclaiming a sense of herself and imagining that there was someone telling her to put it on, that there was a purpose and a person beyond that. who wanted that. 

 

a direction and a command. 

 

kimberly rolls her shoulders, releasing the tension as best she can, before turning her head down to her book.

 

when the words stop making sense she finally caves and slips her phone out onto her desk. kimberly isn’t the only person with their phone out. miss johnson has no issue with them using their phones during their reading time, as long as their on silent and as long as they can be put away quickly if another teacher comes in. 

 

it means she gets the full updates from their group chat. with billy sharing his lego designs, zack sending through pictures of his view from the train cart with jason commenting in turn. trini has put up a few comments but nothing since lunch. 

 

she has, however, sent kimberly a separate imessage. 

 

kimberly places her phone on the pages of her book and covers it as best she can. 

 

trini has started the conversation with a little lightening bolt emoji which is their ranger code for  _ ‘don’t open if in public’ _ . it prevents them from opening messages or images that might come as a shock to anyone peeking at their phone.

 

like the picture of billy fully morphed standing next to alpha 5 in the pit. or zack’s zord selfies. 

 

so kimberly turns the brightness on her phone down and reads on.

 

**trini:**

good?

 

**kimberly:**

specifically?

 

the chill is back. trini isn’t one to mix around with her words and for once kimberly is grateful.

 

**trini:**

your present

 

kimberly bites her lip and the laugh that tries to follow. a present to herself that trini delivered. 

 

she thinks about trini’s golden jacket which she still has with her and her collar and the other things she’s borrowed of trini’s in the time since trini said she would be there to help her figure this all out. the softness of the gestures makes words hard to fully express how she feels. 

 

**kimberly:**

i didn’t think i’d feel so good

 

trini deserves nothing but honesty from her. asks nothing but truth. kimberly can’t lie to her after all of this. even if it makes the tips of her ears turn red or her palms sweat. 

 

she can’t lie to herself either. 

 

the experience changed her. 

 

and suddenly she’s desperate to get home.

 

**kimberly:**

thank you. for the PO Box. 

and for being there for me.

i know it must be weird.

 

**trini:**

anytime.

 

kimberly waits for more and rolls her eyes when she realizes that trini really wasn’t going to elaborate on the rest of what she said. she can almost hear trini’s response in her head. followed up with a slow shrug like she doesn’t want kimberly to make a big deal about it. 

 

except she knows that there’s more there. and her thoughts follow with a surprising but entirely welcome uncharacteristic response;

 

**trini:**

ra-ra and all that

 

that’s all she can take without bursting out laughing during class so kimberly puts her phone away. it buzzes once more and she absently reminds herself to check it later. 

 

miss johnson finishes up class with a short summary on what they’ll be covering next time and dismisses them just as the bell rings out.

 

like yesterday there is a quickness to her steps as kimberly leaves the room. there are no obstacles on her way to her locker. karma seems to keep amanda and harper out of her sight and kimberly manages to grab trini’s jacket and flee. 

 

no training. 

 

no homework.

 

and from the note on the kitchen table that has the words /work emergency cover/ and money sitting beside it for food, as if kimberly can’t make something from the fridge, no parents either. not until saturday morning. 

 

all the factors make her feel jittery. she stalls and lounges on the couch watching re-runs of some old show she used to watch as a kid. it makes her heart calm down and builds her own anticipation. 

 

when kimberly feels warm and rested she goes about a different routine. she clears up around the kitchen and tidies away trash on the table. she picks things up on the stairs and finds places for them until these little acts bring her into her bedroom. 

 

it’s stepping into her own universe and she runs hot and cold. 

 

there’s a foreplay to what follows. 

 

fishing the box from under her mattress kimberly takes her collar back out. it’s still as real as it was yesterday and she has to stop herself from succumbing to putting it on straight away.

 

kimberly wants to prolong it tonight.

 

wants to figure out how deep all of this goes.

 

her collar comes with her into her bathroom and sits on the vanity again. 

 

slowly kimberly pulls her red shirt over her head and undoes her thin belt. in a trance she folds her shirt, and her jeans when she slips them off, and places them on the floor by the door. her belt gets rolled up in her palm only to unfurl when she puts it on top of her clothes. her socks become balls in the corner and then kimberly stands in the mirror to watch herself unclasp her bra and inch down her underwear. 

 

neat and folded. 

 

and then she looks at herself. 

 

she’s lean. kimberly has always rolled with the benefits of being an active child and an athletic teenager. she’s never had to worry about food or dieting and she’s heard more than her fair share of locker room speculation over whether or not she’s cheating in some way.

 

(like eating disorders are some kind of advantage rather than serious conditions.)

 

but after billy found the power coins and after all the training; the hours pounding her fists into rocks and jumping cliffs and clambering up rock faces-

 

she adapted.

 

outgrowing jeans because of new muscle, weight added, to her thighs and calves. definition in places that don’t seem natural for a girl her age; around her abdomen, ribs, and the cut of her waist. 

 

when she broke her phone she could see the outline of popping veins that freaked her out so much. she could  _ see _ them.

 

but when she looks at herself as a whole. as more than just power ranger enhancements and genes. past what other people have told her and how she thinks pretty should look.

 

her body is built for functionality. shaped and molded for a reason. 

 

sometimes that's running on a trail until she’s coated in sweat. other times it's fighting side by side with her friends to defeat an evil former power ranger. 

 

and then now, it’s to observe in the quiet moments and entertain an idea. 

 

that maybe purpose could mean falling into someone’s hands or lap and to bending to their will. 

 

kimberly turns away from the mirror and turns her shower on. it sputters weakly until the pressure evens out. kimberly tests the temperature with her hand until it reaches the sweet spot. 

 

she steps under the spray and continues an inspection the mirror can’t reveal. 

 

she’s soft. the water runs over her skin and her hands slide over her shoulders and elbows. her palms lather shower gel until the foam is pouring out of her hands. bit by bit kimberly washes over her body taking note of how it feels to touch herself like this, so totally and freely.

 

all of them were made stronger and harder. able to withstand a lot of things thrown at them but some things stick. kimberly can feel bumps and bruises. small scars. she can feel the creak of her bones and aching needs. 

 

the foam is washed off and kimberly turns to her hair. soaking it and covering it in shampoo. cleaning completely. water gets in her eyes and the bathroom steams up. her hands shake when they pick up her razor but they hold steady when she shaves her legs and underneath her arms. 

 

kimberly works through creams and gels with a practiced ease until she twists the shower knob and the water shuts off. she’s left in a hot steam that only disperses when she pulls back the shower curtain.

 

now, clean and stripped of the grogginess that she started her day with, kimberly picks up her collar and with fumbling hands, loops it through and buckles it. she keeps her head high and checks the tightness as instructed. 

 

her first breath afterwards feel like relief. 

 

all her thoughts and anxieties disappear with the completion of the circle around her neck. 

 

her body is dripping with shower water, her hair is sticking to the back of her neck, and kimberly looks up at the ceiling wishing and wanting.

 

the small cracked screen of her phone lights up and reminds her she has a text left unanswered. the preview, following a tiny lightning bolt, sparks her to wipe the beginnings of mist on her mirror. 

 

and ignites a selfish action that begins when she picks up her phone.

 

kimberly knows the dangers of taking photographs like this. the typical set-up. a bathroom or a bedroom. a girl with low self esteem or too much of it. lighting and posing and pointing the camera at herself. 

 

the mistake of not cropping where you should. 

 

amanda knows that intimately because of her.

 

and as much as kimberly feels like there should be some penance, some punishment for that which she has not already endured, she can’t bring herself to take the risk.

 

kimberly swipes the damp screen of her phone until the camera opens and  tilts her head back. she bares her neck and the thick black collar to the camera lense.

 

it cuts across her throat like a piece of the night sky. her face is covered by wayward falling hair and her hand comes up to brush her fingers against the silver D ring. her forearms cover her breasts and the mirror draws a line low across her hips that cut off the image.

 

the result is low light pornography. the humidity in her bathroom after the shower makes her skin appear clinging to sweat. her face is hidden and unrecognisable. her neck is-

 

tense and vividly pronounced around the collar. 

 

she looks like someone else, something else, and kimberly leans back into the cool tiles of her bathroom just to catch her breath at how she looks. 

 

it’s hidden in a folder within a folder. icons turned off. 

 

she wants to touch and taste and feel. when she swallows, walking to her bed, she can feel the press of leather against her damp skin and it sets her alight once more. 

 

her sheets are clean and cold and she hisses against the change in temperature when her back hits them.

 

her phone screen illuminates her skin and the image sparks more.

 

mistake making comes as she finishes with her hips arched off her bed, lying with her towel spread under her hips, with her bare skin being kissed by the cool spring air. 

 

because in the heat of it all, caught up in her own hazy happiness and grounded emotion, she responds to trini;

 

**trini:**

how does it look?

 

**kimberly:**

you tell me

 

**kimberly:**

photo_250kb.JPEG

 

in the immediate aftermath of the little ‘woosh’ noise her phone makes to mark a sent text kimberly feels weightless. 

 

anticipation ripples from her palm up her arm and sends shockwaves through her body. the damp ends of her hair drop shower water down her back and her body is cool. her body is flying through the air both as a solid entity in her own room and also a pixelated picture that soon marks as /read/ on her text screen.

 

kimberly can identify the tug in her stomach hoping for some sort of approval. it’s a shameless want that presents itself without guilt and without thought when she touches the edge of her collar. 

 

but, as minutes pass, the hum of thoughts slows and focuses on the ones that her selfishness ignored. 

 

that trini told her she couldn’t get wrapped up in this. 

 

the disbelief in her voice and the question of / _do you even like girls_ / and how this was unfair on her feelings for kimberly to be placing stock in her-

 

to be focusing on her. 

 

to be-

 

kimberly feels like she’s choking. coming down off something bad her sweaty hands pull the collar loose and then off onto the bed. 

 

she’s just sent trini a nude.

 

the little / _read_ / still shines out on her screen and remains unreplied to.

 

_ fuck. _

 

*

 

**kimberly:**

i’m so sorry.

 

the little unread mark haunts her all night and her mouth tastes like ash when she wakes up and still doesn’t see a reply from trini. 

 

it sticks in the back of her mind all day. her parents pick up on her mood and she pretends that she doesn’t feel well. which in turn makes them fuss over her which makes kimberly feel worse.

 

it also makes sneaking out for training a lot harder. after a solid half an hour of convincing her parents she needs some fresh air, yes she has her phone, yes she has enough water, they finally budge and let her walk towards the trails on the condition she takes whisky with her. 

 

whisky is very thrilled by this development and is hopping slightly on his front legs as kimberly clips the leash onto his collar.

 

kimberly is less thrilled because her phone is still burning a hole in her pocket and her brain chooses that moment to remember trini’s deadpan pronunciation of ‘ erotic restraint’.

 

she’s a good distance away from her house thankfully when she realizes so her ‘oh fuck you’ to the sky isn’t overheard by anyone. whisky pulls her ahead as if he knows where they’re going. kimberly stares at his big ears and the little tips of silver growing. he’s not the young puppy she once carried in her arms anymore or the steely protector.

 

he’s mellowed out in his years but still treats every day like it’s brand new to him.

 

it’s cute. 

 

kimberly takes a short detour to pick up some dog treats and watches as a little boy asks to pet whisky outside. whisky sits obediently and lets this tiny child softly pat his head. 

 

soon they’re back on track and kimberly stares down at the chasm that leads to mermaid’s lagoon. this poses a new challenge. 

 

whisky watches her almost uncertainly as she gets closer to the edge. like he’s fully prepared to pull her back if she goes anywhere. the problem is she needs to get down there and she can’t leave whisky up here incase he runs back home.

 

kimberly sighs. ‘i’m sorry buddy.’

 

one slightly traumatizing jump and swim with a scrambling dog later kimberly lies flat on her back with zack staring down at her grinning maniacally. 

 

‘glad you could join us.’ 

 

whisky has run over her several times, licking at her face and she groans, rolling over onto her stomach to see jason looking on in amusement. billy is stood next to him but his eyes are firmly fixed on whisky.

 

‘is that your dog?’

 

zack helps her up and kimberly brushes herself off. ‘yeah. whisky, sit.’

 

whisky comes to a stop in front of jason and billy and sits down. the movement stills the rest of the scene and kimberly looks around with a sinking feeling.

 

‘no trini?’ she asks.

 

jason shakes his head. ‘not yet.’ he doesn’t look convinced she’s going to show and kimberly feels disheartened again. ‘have you heard from her?’

 

‘not since yesterday.’ kimberly replies honestly. 

 

billy is stood frozen behind jason but he’s practically vibrating with excitement as he asks: ‘kimberly can i pet your dog?’

 

jason comments. ‘she seemed fine at school.’

 

kimberly nods and then turns to billy. ‘of course billy.’

 

‘chill out, crazy girl is probably stretching on a mountain.’ zack suggests. he watches billy quickly crouch down and whisky bound over to him to receive the attention.

 

‘she’s not usually this late.’ jason points out. 

 

‘is his name whisky? that’s a funny name.’ he addresses the last part to whisky as if the dog will defend itself before softly running his hand over whisky’s head. whisky starts panting happily and wagging his tail. 

 

‘his dad was a police dog.’ kimberly tells him, kind of jealous at how laid back her dog is. 

 

zack looks around. ‘do we start without her then?’

 

‘that makes sense then, whisky being part of the phonetic alphabet.’ billy nods seriously and looks between whisky and kimberly with interest. ‘although there was a different one before 1956 so he could have ended up being called william.’

 

jason looks torn having to make a decision. ‘we’re just going through doubles training so i guess we can get through without her.’

 

kimberly keeps her eye on billy and whisky as her disappointment about trini not showing grows. it’s her fault.

 

zack jokes around. ‘does she get a ranger detention for not showing up to ranger training?’

 

kimberly smiles softly and replies to billy. ‘i guess you and whisky could have had the same name then.’

 

‘that’s cool.’ billy turns back to whisky and tickles behind whisky’s ear. ‘good boy.’

 

‘maybe we should wait,’ jason ponders. 

 

‘or maybe we should do something else.’ zack counters. he’s wearing his overalls and lounging on a nearby rock. 

 

‘we have to practice.’ jason points out as if he expects zack to suggest they ditch. kimberly really doesn’t want to be in the middle of another one of their disagreements. it’s no fun even when they’re not physically fighting.

 

‘yeah but do we have to practice in pairs?’ zack says. ‘we’re just going to end up going one on one with each other.’

 

‘as opposed to three v two?’ 

 

‘it might be two on one if billy can’t leave the dog alone.’ zack tilts his head towards billy but billy isn’t even listening to them as he’s quickly discovering that whisky is smitten with him and is happily hopping up and down on his front legs while billy claps.

 

‘what can we do then?’

 

jason pauses for a second and then looks around them with a sympathetic shrug. ‘putties?’

 

rita may be floating somewhere in the depths of space but they’ve had to deal with more than one spawn of her monsters. it’s the only lingering indication that she’s not dead in space, but unable to return. it keeps kimberly and the rest of them on edge but they do what they can to take out any hiding monsters.

 

training against zordon’s holo-putties is therefore relevant if not repetitive. jason insists on keeping them fresh both with and without morphing so today they’re free from their armor and dancing in the pit.

 

it gives kimberly a chance to put her fists against something. to feel her skin being scratched when the holo-putties fight back. to sweat and have her heart rate rocketing sky high.

 

billy keeps whisky entertained but she can still hear her dog whimpering as she rolls past one puttie to slip behind it and toss it backwards.

 

she does this until it hurts. step, slide, toss. the rocks crumbling into nothing is therapeutic. if she can’t get her mind to quiet about that picture and how trini is probably never going to speak to her again because she’s ignored how trini might feel about all of this /shit/ because kimberly was too caught up in her own head and her own selfish-

 

whisky barks loudly and suddenly and kimberly ducks underneath a rock fist that was aimed straight at her head. the adrenaline rushes through her and she manages to pummel the holo-puttie into the ground just as jason raises his hand to signal zordon to stop the monsters.

 

as they stop he looks directly at kimberly and says: ‘i think we need a break.’

 

‘i’m fine.’ kimberly says instantly. 

 

jason gives her this half smile that reveals he expected that answer. but he wouldn’t be a good leader if he didn’t recognise when someone was spiralling. since billy died, since billy came back, jason has always looked to have their backs. to keep watch over them.

 

if trini hadn’t been on that mountain with her, jason might well have been. 

 

but then kimberly would have kept her wants pushed down and locked away. she wouldn’t be feeling like this and wanting so much and ruining things. 

 

jason comes over and puts his arm around her shoulders. and it’s comforting but it’s not on the level that she’s been dreaming about. still she feels the energy seep from her body and lets jason bench her while zack takes a turn.

 

she watches the boys dance until it turns into background images and white noise. the putties crumble and kimberly’s thoughts drift back to trini and wondering whether she’s the reason trini hasn’t showed up for training. has she really ruined this? and why couldn’t she not push for once?

 

it weighs on her for the rest of training. kimberly goes through her own motions, getting cuts and grazes for her troubles, until jason eventually calls it quits. 

 

he watches her as she finally manages to tear whisky away from billy (with billy asking for whisky to come back soon) and waits until they’re alone. 

 

“everything okay, kim?”

 

“yeah,” she’s always been good at lying. “kind of.” but sometimes she doesn’t want to.

 

kimberly doesn’t want to lie to him, but she won’t tell him the truth either.

 

“anything i can help with?”

 

“not this time jase.”

 

“is it- girl stuff?” jason jokingly teases out the last two words just to make kimberly laugh.

 

“sure. girl stuff.” 

 

jason starts to walk them both out towards the underside of the mermaid’s lagoon. 

 

“just so you know,” jason shoves his hands in his pockets. “if you wanted to talk about -girl stuff-i’m around.”

 

“keep saying girl stuff like that-”

 

“girl stuff.”

 

“thanks jase.” kimberly grins and for the first time since last night she feels content. “i’ll keep that in mind.”

 

“that goes for trini as well.” kimberly stops. jason doesn’t notice her abruptness. “i know we all had a moment around that campfire that was quickly overshadowed by rita and the inevitableness of destruction but- everyone said some heavy things that night-”

 

this time jason does look at her and kimberly is sure that her face resembles what it was over that fire when billy pointed out that she was in detention as well. 

 

she wonders if jason even remembers kimberly telling him she felt like dying in his room. 

 

“thanks jase.” kimberly says sincerely. the back of her throat stings like she’s going to cry so she ducks her head and waits a second until she hears the splash of jason jumping up and leaving after a casual /see you tomorrow!/.

 

kimberly basks in the quiet underground cavern looking up at the shimmering water lit up by the moonlight.

 

whisky sits in front of her waiting, prepared now, for them to resurface.

 

he takes the jump up a lot better, quickly jumping around on solid ground at the top of the mountain, as kimberly twists the water out of her hair.

 

whisky trots ahead and she pulls him back to clip on a tiny green light to his collar. the neon glow can be seen even as it starts to get darker. eventually the trails dip down and kimberly has to put whisky’s leash on when they make it to the sidewalks again. 

 

her house is on the other side of the mountain, or that’s what she likes to believe. the mountain, rather, seems to spring up in the middle of angel grove. kimberly drives around the mountain every day to get to school. before it was just scenery in traffic and now it’s home.

 

she’s cold by the time she gets in. her parents think she has more colour in her cheeks after the walk so they don’t mention how long she’s been gone. whisky heads straight to his bed, completely spent, and falls into a satisfied sleep. kimberly feels jealous at how simple that seems.

 

her mind is still racing as she closes her bedroom door behind her. 

 

her bed is still unmade from this morning. her window is open, just a crack, letting in the night air. the stars are out now and the light bounces off the walls. kimberly casts some of it out when she turns her lamp on.

 

she dazes her way through properly drying off her hair so she doesn’t catch a cold. can she even still get sick? 

 

kimberly hasn’t had an off day due to illness since this whole ranger transformation but she’s still feeling everything else amplified. 

 

nerves. guilt. shame. 

 

the back of her mind pulls her back into her room and her hands wrap around the box with her collar in it. for tonight she doesn’t feel any kind of desire in this, she just wants what she wanted at the beginning when she was a girl sitting on a rock wishing she felt like she belonged. 

 

to someone.

 

kimberly takes deep slow breaths into her stomach as she unbuckles her collar and wraps it around her neck. she measures, she tightens, she clasps the buckle.

 

it’s not magic, just her own fulfillment that associates this act with contentment. with possession. belonging. comfort.

 

her eyes fall on trini’s yellow bomber jacket which hangs on the back of her chair. she pads over to it and runs her hand over the shoulders of it. the material is soft and when she even before she picks it up and presses it into her face she knows that the smell of trini’s perfume will be long gone. kimberly has washed it since then.

 

kimberly slides it on. the sleeves fall short of her wrists and the hem just brushes by her ribs. but it gives her what she wants. 

 

it helps her into a sleep that she isn’t aware taking over her. kimberly wakes up to the squeak of her window and scuffing of shoes-

 

it’s instinct that makes her jolt up rolling over and putting her bed behind her. 

 

of course she registers trini-

 

trini with her grey beanie and her hair falling over her shoulders. that old green army camo over her shoulders that has no protection from the cool breeze outside. and a shocked expression on her face followed by a loud _/thunk/._

 

that might have something to do with kimberly holding her forearm against trini’s windpipe as if she’s some enemy and not-

 

not her.

 

kimberly drops her arm with a delayed ‘shit!’ and trini seems to fall from against the wall to the floor like kimberly was holding her up.

 

trini stays pressed against the wall for a second and kimberly sees several different emotions pass over her (panic, shock, fear, and then expectancy).

 

‘trini,’ kimberly whispers, looking at her door like the noise would wake her parents. ‘i’m so so sorry.’

 

‘are you okay?’ kimberly switches track then to; ‘where were you? you missed training’

 

kimberly can’t stop the firing of questions coming out of her mouth as they cover up a sudden wave of anxiety about why trini has shown up in the middle of the night.

 

trini waves her off and finally moves away from the wall. kimberly spares a thought for the decent body sized dent trini’s just made.

 

‘jeez,’ trini keeps her own voice down. ‘you sound like my mom.’

 

‘where were you?’ kimberly tries again.

 

‘i missed one training.’ trini puts up her defenses again.

 

‘yeah, you did.’ kimberly points out. ‘and you couldn’t let jason know?’

 

‘i can’t take the day to myself?’

 

‘without a reason?’ kimberly watches trini look at the window as if she’s deciding whether it was a good idea to come in the first place. still she turns back to kimberly.

 

‘i had a reason.’ trini stresses. ‘i just couldn’t exactly text it to jason or you.’

 

‘so you would have texted me?’ kimberly fires back.

 

trini raises an eyebrow as a challenge. ‘any reason i wouldn’t?’

 

‘that’s why you’re here right?’ kimberly hears her own voice wobble and trini’s expression softens from it’s usual hard look. the walls come down and she moves a step away from the window.

 

‘kimberly.’

 

‘i messed up trini.’ kimberly crosses her arms forming a barrier between herself and the rest of the world. ‘i didn’t think when i sent that picture-’

 

she wants to confess how guilty it’s made her feel but the depth of it all won’t come.

 

‘kimberly-’

 

‘i just felt good and that’s not me justifying anything. i shouldn’t have-’

 

trini hunches her shoulders and trying to keep her voice down, interrupts kimberly’s rambling. ‘i was grounded.’

 

‘what?’ it’s off beat and throws kimberly away from her own wrapped up self interest. ‘grounded? grounded why?’

 

‘because my parents said so.’ trini replies. 

 

‘don’t be smart.’ kimberly says. ‘why were you grounded?’

 

this time it seems like it’s trini’s turn to fidget and work up the courage to say something. kimberly is expecting something a lot different than;

 

‘you know you’re hot right?’ trini says as if this is new information. ‘you don’t even need to answer that because i could literally look at the comments on any of your old cheerleading pictures on facebook and they’d tell me on your behalf.’

 

kimberly is once again stunned by trini’s change of subject and this new information that trini thinks she’s hot; ‘what?’ 

 

‘i’m not saying that to make you feel bad or self-conscious or whatever.’ trini shrugs. ‘i have eyes.’

 

trini pauses and kimberly becomes aware of the collar around her neck for the first time since she fell asleep. 

 

‘hot girls don’t send me pictures.’ trini is now looking everywhere but her. ‘ever.’

 

kimberly doesn’t believe that for a second.

 

trini notices her skepticism and clarifies. ‘hot girls don’t send me pictures like the one you sent me last night.’

 

kimberly wraps her arms around herself. ‘i’m sorry.’

 

‘you’ve said.’ trini gazes to the left at kimberly’s wall. ‘i couldn’t text you back.’

 

‘but you wanted to?’ kimberly asks. waiting to find out whether this is a good or bad development.

 

trini can’t seem to put any other words together and starts looking around where she’s stood for a moment. kimberly is filled with the urge to ask something else, just to figure out why trini is here until trini stoops down by the window.

 

trini picks something off kimberly’s floor and kimberly realizes, after studying the mangled piece of metal in trini’s hand, that it  _ used to be _ trini’s phone.

 

‘oh.’ kimberly states.

 

trini keeps her mouth pursed like she’s trying to keep something from spilling out. 

 

her phone is nearly split down the middle from where trini has obviously squeezed it. the glass is shattered and there are noticeable finger dents in the sides. 

 

‘this is why you were grounded?’ kimberly puts together.

 

trini nods.

 

‘how did this even-’ kimberly stops and then she looks at trini sheepishly. ‘oh.’

 

‘yeah you /oh/ all you like.’ trini shoves the broken phone back into her jacket pocket. ‘i had to explain this.’

 

‘what did you say?’

 

‘that kimberly hart sent me nudes.’ trini deadpans. 

 

_ ‘trini!’ _

 

‘i honestly think she grounded me over that more than actually crushing my phone.’ trini shrugs her shoulder with a half grin at kimberly’s mortified expression. ‘y’know, the gay influence and everything.’

 

it’s the first time trini has stepped close to anything like a label and it makes kimberly’s chest feel tight with something inexplicable. 

 

trini settles and her shoulders slump, relaxing. it puts kimberly at ease. ‘i’m not mad.’

 

‘no?’

 

‘i didn’t expect it.’ is what trini offers. ‘and it wasn’t an unpleasant experience.’

 

kimberly blushes. ‘you didn’t run to the other side of town for that to be all you’ll give me,’

 

‘whatever you say.’ trini looks at her and blinks. ‘my jacket.’ she says distractedly.

 

kimberly can feel the softness of it and realizes she must have fallen asleep wearing it.

 

‘its freezing out there-’ kimberly pulls the zipper down. ‘you should take it for when you go-’

 

there’s a sudden silence dropping at the end of her words that makes kimberly stop and look.

 

trini isn’t looking at her jacket anymore and everything seems to be burning away with the way trini is zoned in on the collar around her neck like the jacket doesn’t even exist. their prior conversation seems to fade and a new tone drifts between them.

 

‘i didn’t-’ trini looks lost. ‘-see that before.’

 

kimberly automatically reaches up to her neck and hooks a finger around the silver D ring on her collar. trini is watching her closely and studying it. from the sounds of last night, trini didn’t get a chance to see this close up before her phone was sacrificed. 

 

‘can you-?’

 

kimberly shuffles back on her bed until she’s sitting against the wall. trini sits on the side of her bed like she’s ready to bolt but she takes her shoes off like she’s here to stay. 

 

kimberly pulls her hair back and trini gets a better look.

 

under this scrutiny, kimberly feels the regret washing up again. 

 

‘i’m still sorry.’ kimberly says. ‘i heard what you said and i shouldn’t have sent that picture to you.’

 

‘but you did.’ kimberly expects a lecture that would never find its way out of trini’s mouth. there’s a lack of judgement that follows despite kimberly knowing trini has every right to be frustrated and angry. ‘did you think about why?’

 

kimberly feels the lash of defensiveness in her own words when she responds. ‘i told you why.’

 

‘selfishness and that.’ trini doesn’t pull her punches. ‘i don’t think that’s it though.’

 

‘i felt good.’ good and tethered and happy and- ‘and i wanted-’

 

she wanted trini to know. to see. 

 

‘i wanted you to see me like that.’ it’s the most honest thing she’s said all night. 

 

‘like what?’ trini presses and presses but just enough to get kimberly to open up the way kimberly wants to. 

 

‘like this.’ kimberly states again. her hand goes to her neck again and her heart flutters as trini looks at her in a way that kimberly can’t pass off as nothing. 

 

‘collared up and-’

 

trini inhales sharply and kimberly gets caught up on that noise. it blooms further and even in the low light of her room she can see trini wearing a blush on her face.

 

‘sorry.’

 

‘you don’t have to be sorry.’ trini murmurs. ‘this is you, this is what you- it’s what makes you feel-’

 

it seems both of them are failing to find the right words. 

 

it doesn’t feel like it matters when trini’s mouth is parted and her eyes are dipping from kimberly’s lips to her neck. a sliver of self consciousness rises and kimberly licks her bottom lip before shivering.

 

this is different that sending a picture and hoping for a reaction.

 

the reaction she got for the photograph is more than she imagined. trini smashed her phone after seeing it. a trigger impulse after seeing kimberly naked and exposing her neck. there should be a thrill of power, there would be if this were being sent to anyone else but with trini it’s different.

 

it’s kimberly saying _/i’m here/_

 

it’s kimberly wanting to say _/you can have this/_

 

it’s kimberly embedding that silent request that she’s looking for trini to see in her eyes now. because this is vivid and this within touching distance. 

 

kimberly is wearing trini’s jacket, leather around her throat, feeling her own hands trembling as trini just looks her up and down. 

 

‘you can touch it.’ kimberly feels bolder after saying it. trini looks like she’s shaking her head even as she pulls her hand away from her own lap. 

 

her arm hangs in the air for a second until kimberly leans forward. trini touches the metal of the D ring at first, pushing it to the left and then the right. 

 

kimberly is only half prepared for when trini touches the edge of her collar, her fingertip just brushing her skin as well as the material.

 

‘it’s soft on the inside.’

 

‘is it good enough for you?’ trini asks, then as an afterthought adds. ‘for your first?’

 

the thought of getting another one hadn’t even crossed her mind and that, like other things, grows the possibilities in her mind. 

 

‘yeah, yeah,’ oddly emotional kimberly nods. ‘it’s exactly how i wanted it.’

 

kimberly can hear the soft rustle of her sheets as trini moves closer just to have the option of looking at her collar closer. 

 

trini is studying it the way kimberly did. the look, the thread in that obvious pink, even to the point of pulling it forward slightly to-

 

‘it’s supposed to be two-’

 

it’s more of a sigh than a moan but kimberly isn’t prepared for the sudden and welcome tug and they both freeze. trini with her fingers still hooked under the collar and kimberly anticipating whatever comes next. 

 

there’s a creak that seems to come from the leather around the same time as kimberly pulls her hands away from her sheets.

 

trini’s strength could have pulled the leather apart the way kimberly has left tears in her sheets.

 

kimberly forgets caution and the questions she keeps close to her own chest and takes advantage of the indecision in trini’s eyes. ‘what do you want? if you could have anything in the world-’

 

trini’s bottom lip trembles. ‘don’t ask me that.’

 

_ /she likes me/ _

 

_ /she likes me not/ _

 

‘why?’

 

trini shrinks back in a way that kimberly has only ever seen across the flickering red of a fire. that smallness that comes from years of being told /no/ and having something quashed down inside of you. that feeling has no place in kimberly’s room and her heart aches.

 

‘i can figure this out.’ kimberly says like a promise. ‘i don’t have all the words or the terms and i don’t ever feel like i’m okay with how things keep surprising me with something i don’t know about myself.’

 

it seems so backwards that sitting here with her collar and her desire seems so make more sense than what she’s asking and feeling for trini. 

 

‘but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it any less.’ kimberly’s mouth dries up and her tongue feels heavy in her mouth. ‘that doesn’t take away from wanting you.’

 

‘i don’t want you to regret a part of this.’ trini is firm with her words. cutting no corners now. ‘and i don’t want that part to be me.’

 

kimberly shakes her head. ‘you could never.’

 

there’s a moment when she feels every year of the eighteen that she is as she scoots forward until her shins are bumping into trini’s thigh. 

 

‘you could never.’ kimberly’s hand shakes as she presses her knuckles against trini’s jaw. trini is warm and she leans into the contact.

 

trini purses her lips the way she does whenever she’s steeling herself for something. 

 

kimberly thinks a lot of things as trini’s hands fumble at the back of her neck. kimberly’s own hands tremble slightly as she guides trini to the buckle and waits through the failed first and second attempts until it comes loose. kimberly pulls it from her throat and lets trini hold it in her hands. 

 

her thoughts settle on the /how-to/ words about having a partner that will help her put on and take off her collar. and how trini’s hands felt around her neck.

 

trini places her collar on the bed next to them and kimberly stares at it with a little fondness that makes trini putting her hand against kimberly’s cheek unexpected. 

 

trini rubs a circle against her cheek with her thumb watching kimberly’s reaction with curiosity. with hope. kimberly swallows the lump in her throat as trini runs her fingertips over her jawline until she catches kimberly’s chin between her thumb and finger. 

 

it’s a firm hold and kimberly teeters on the edge of something she’s trying so hard to catch.

 

trini lets her hold go; ‘if i could have anything in the world?’ she murmurs.

 

there’s something to be said about sitting on her bed wrapped in the warmth of her sheets and safe in her house that she’s never felt so out of this world as when trini leans in and presses her lips to where her collar had rested on the side of her neck.

 

a shock goes through her and kimberly can’t pass off the sharp whimper she makes when she feels trini kiss at her neck as anything other than what it is.

 

her own hand ends up on trini’s shoulder and then, when it’s not shrugged off, in trini’s hair as trini peppers tentative kisses over her throat.

 

whatever kimberly needed proving, whatever answer she was looking for, is lost in the galaxy being created in her mind.

 

slowly kimberly feels pressed back as trini climbs onto the bed and time passes without recognition until trini is pulling away, her own face flushed and her lips pouting and tempting to the buzz kimberly feels at having trini’s hair tickling at her face and feeling her ankles brushing against trini’s shins where her jeans are rolled up.

 

‘i want to kiss you.’ kimberly whispers. 

 

a revelation that hits her like the first time they morphed. caving her chest in as her words sink in for trini. she suddenly understands why trini has been keeping her distance and why her collar is on the bed and not around her neck.

 

she doesn’t want there to be any mistake. any regret or implication of coercion. 

 

except it’s a lot to take in and instead of trini obliging or kimberly leaning up and kissing her- kimberly feels tears spring up in her eyes and she covers her mouth as a small sob rises up.

 

trini goes to move back and is only stopped by kimberly shaking her head. the small grip kimberly has on the bottom of trini’s shirt is enough to tug her back and become the only thing kimberly can see above her, surrounded by the faint green of old glow in the dark stars. 

 

‘hey,’ trini supports herself on one hand and brushes back kimberly’s hair with the other. ‘it’s okay.’

 

‘i’m sorry.’ kimberly gets out between deep breaths.

 

‘i know.’ trini hushes continuing the comforting motion of running her hands over kimberly’s head. 

 

‘i don’t even-’ kimberly gasps out silently. ‘know why i’m-’ 

 

‘it’s a lot.’ trini says simply. 

 

a lot to process in a second or a night. something that people spend years dealing with and adjusting to. and there isn’t a solid form to the feeling bouncing around in her chest.

 

kimberly nods but covers her eyes with a hand until her chest stops feeling awful and her tears come silently. she feels trini move back slightly just only to feel the mattress dip to her left. when she opens her eyes trini is trying to make herself comfortable, pulling off her beanie and jacket, until she can share the edge of kimberly’s pillow.

 

she coaxes kimberly to roll onto her side when trini sees that there isn’t an end to this overwhelming reaction. 

 

a selfish part of kimberly rears up and in the face of her confession she has no power against wanting to bury her face against trini’s neck while her friend runs her fingers through her hair again. closing her eyes she breathes hotly against trini’s skin until her crying finally subsides and she starts to feel calm. 

 

trini waits, just holding her, until it goes silent enough for trini to try and cheer her up.

 

‘i can’t say i’ve ever had a girl want to kiss me and then start crying about the idea.’ trini teases with her own dull amusement.

 

kimberly laughs into trini’s neck and feels trini shiver in response. trini’s chin rests on her head and when she smiles kimberly can tell.

 

‘always gotta be first at something don’t you,’

 

the sobbing has passed but the feeling of drifting is still there. 

 

‘can you stay?’

 

kimberly knows it’s selfish. trini has a home and parents who watch her every move that will surely raise flags if trini isn’t home. tonight has been a whirlwind that has no doubt impacted trini as much as kimberly. it’s unfair and needy but kimberly asks anyway-

 

‘i have to be back by 5.’ trini replies honestly. ‘i’d set an alarm on my phone but-’

 

kimberly moves her head back and looks at trini who pauses running her hand in kimberly’s hair. ‘i’ll wake you up.’

 

‘okay.’ trini says. ‘i’ll be here.’

 

right then that’s all kimberly wants.

  
  


_ * _

 

kimberly isn’t sure who suggests the change of scenery a few days later but instead of the trails or the ship kimberly and trini are occupying the shade under a tree in one of angel grove’s parks.

 

there are a few families milling about enjoying the weather. a repetitive / _whoosh-crack_ / sounding as a couple of boys from the high school throw practice batting on the dusty diamond further along from them. a couple of kids yell out sporadically as they play hide and seek. kimberly has brought whisky along again to make up for trini not meeting him the other day. 

 

grass tickles against the back of her neck and ankles. it’s warm enough to wear shorts now, something kimberly is taking full advantage of.

 

trini, however, is happy to still be kitted out in jeans that a ripped more from training than effect with the only change being sunglasses pushed up in her hair rather than her beanie. one compliment thrown her way about them from kimberly had trini stunned into a stubborn silence as she blushed.

 

it was cute.

 

kimberly holds her phone over her face. ‘so like a hard limit is basically something you’re not into at all.’

 

trini tosses the ball out for whisky to chase across the park. she doesn’t even need to extend her arm that much for the ball to be rocketed a sizable distance.

 

(unbeknownst to her left an eight year old girl who was taking part in the hide and seek game looks on in amazement.)

 

‘kind of.’ trini says, she looks down at kimberly. ‘if you’re reading on the site i sent you then read the rest of the description.’

 

‘a hard limit is something that must not be done. violating a hard limit is often considered a just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.’ kimberly reads out loud.

 

‘limit setting is important.’ trini watches whisky finally reach the ball. ‘we have to be on the same page.’

 

kimberly tilts her head back. ‘so extreme heat-’ she says, thinking of the panic and the fire wrapping around her zord as goldar began to crush it’s wings.

 

‘then your partner-’ trini pauses for a beat before correcting herself. ‘-i know that you absolutely do not want anything involving fire or heat or even wax brought into the scene.’

 

kimberly wants to ask but she waits. browsing down through other glossary terms like soft limits, safewords towards specifics like breathplay, service oriented submission, erotic spanking-

 

whisky bounds back, panting as he drops the ball for trini, interrupting kimberly’s reading. suddenly doing this in public seems odd but trini had insisted that it helped to normalize and keep them on track.

 

trini sets whisky off running again with another throw ( to the little girl’s awe once again ) as kimberly spots another thing on the list.

 

‘a collar is a device of any material worn by a person around the neck to indicate their  submissive or  slave status in a BDSM relationship.’ trini stops playing with her bracelets as kimberly speaks. ‘a person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be /collared/.’

 

aspects of it float through her mind. her collar doesn’t feel like a device or indicator, though her own desires would show any other person that it was a marker of belonging to someone. a symbol of a relationship and of ownership.

 

‘that’s a very clinical way of putting it.’ kimberly remarks after it.

 

‘one definition doesn’t cover it all.’ trini is quick to reply. ‘you don’t have to identify with that if it doesn’t fit.’

 

‘there’s just so much.’ kimberly says. ‘i don’t even know if i’d be into any of it.’

 

‘there’s no basic requirement.’ trini signals whisky to come back with the ball. ‘you don’t have to be into anything. you could just really like-’

 

kimberly tilts her head back so she can see trini upside-down. ‘having someone put a collar on me to signify my submissive status.’

 

trini gives her an unimpressed look like she sees right through kimberly’s baiting. ‘you’re going to be the worst sub.’

 

‘it’s a good thing i’m pretty then.’ kimberly snorts and goes back to her phone.

 

trini doesn’t respond to that but kimberly can see her shift around and cross her ankles so kimberly marks that down as a win.

 

‘what are you into?’ kimberly abandons her scrolling to ask.

 

‘personal question much?’

 

‘aren’t we in a sharing mood.’ kimberly says. ‘look, you were right before about limit setting and being on the same page. you’ve been all up in my pages.’

 

trini scoffs. ‘you’re way to considerate with all of this-’

 

‘going off your example.’ kimberly pauses and then remembers what trini had said; ‘tell me about the girl power thing.’

 

trini laughs at her topic name. she looks down at kimberly. ‘the girl power thing? that’s the best you could come up with?’

 

‘you want specifics?’ kimberly scrolls back through her phone and in her most serious voice says; ‘because from what you mentioned about /getting roughed up/ and enjoying that kind of thing i’m leaning towards something this page calls D/s or impact play-’

 

trini remains quiet until kimberly tilts her head back to look at trini leaning against the tree. ‘is it still impact play if it doesn’t include a flogger?’

 

‘yes.’ trini murmurs firmly. 

 

‘yes?’ kimberly sits up with interest. ‘trini-’

 

‘i’m not-’ trini voice is quick and sharp but she settles suddenly. ‘-i’m not great a this.’

 

talking. 

 

kimberly shuffles back and leans against the tree with trini. ‘communication is key.’

 

‘how much have you been reading?’ trini chuckles.

 

‘i feel like i’m catching up.’ kimberly clicks her phone off. it’s hot in her hand from use.

 

‘it’s not a class.’ trini jokes. she looks over at kimberly and it’s not the first time since trini stayed over that kimberly has felt her heart jump like this. ‘no one is going to give you an A.’

 

kimberly grins slowly. ‘according to the internet the O is the only letter that really counts.’

 

trini can’t keep her stoic expression in place and she groans as laughter takes over. ‘god, communication.’

 

kimberly nods and turns her palm over towards trini. ‘communication.’

 

trini stares down at her hand and eventually kimberly feels her reaching out and holding it. their joined hands rest on trini’s thigh.

 

this isn’t holding hands with her best friend when she was eight or the sweaty palm of the boy who twirled her around during her first middle school dance.

 

it’s trini.

 

and that has come to mean so much more than anything that came before. a force of nature attached to the things they’ve been through, that they’ve all been through, that feels so amplified now. kimberly slows her breathing and waits for the lull to pass and for trini’s voice to occupy it.

 

she squeezes her hand to try and convey this togetherness. she would never judge trini for anything, especially not after everything trini has done for her.

 

‘i like what i like.’ trini shrugs. 

 

kimberly snorts with laughter. ‘good to know.’  

 

‘you’re not gonna give up are you?’

 

‘i don’t think you want me to.’ kimberly points out.

 

‘didn’t think you would.’ whisky trots back happily with the ball again and drops it for trini.

 

kimberly stops short and goes in gently. ‘if you’re not comfortable talking about it because of-’

 

‘no it’s just-’ trini throws the ball once again and whisky bounds off. ‘i don’t know how to explain it without talking about-’’

 

kimberly watches trini touch at her neck where the faint scars are. ‘are you okay talking about it?’

 

‘it’s all heightened now, with our powers but i’ve always liked it.’ trini admits. ‘when i talked about my parents not having to worry about my relationships, i didn’t mean i snuck around behind their backs dating girls-’

 

‘-i went out a couple of times. with a couple of girls. not much older than i was but-’ trini paints a vague picture. ‘i guess i give off a vibe.’ 

 

‘a vibe?’

 

trini scoffs. ‘people want to take me down a few notches.’

 

‘yeah?’ kimberly asks. ‘how?’

 

kimberly can see something in the way trini closes her eyes and smirks a little. like she’s laughing at herself but enjoying a memory at the same time.

 

‘i like the struggle. pushing against a girl who wants to pin me down. feeling trapped underneath her.’ trini says slowly. ‘the spike- am i panicking or am i turned on?’

 

trini’s hand drops from her neck and kimberly gleams something. ‘getting marked up.’

 

trini looks over at her. ‘yeah like-’ she pauses before she jumps topic. ‘i could have died. i’m not saying that i was thinking about this while she was trying to get me to betray you guys but-’

 

‘in hindsight,’

 

‘hindsight.’ trini says. ‘and having super powers means that i felt everything, when i tried to push back and she was like a brick wall to me- when i’m fighting against you- taking a hit or-’

 

kimberly’s mind turns back. ‘did you do this often, before angel grove?’

 

‘once or twice with one girl.’ at kimberly’s curious expression trini continues. ‘she took care of me.’

 

‘good.’ kimberly smiles and speaks softly. ‘what was it like?’

 

‘nice.’

 

‘just nice?’ kimberly laughs towards the end of the description because it seems so out of place for what they’re talking about. trini rolls her eyes.

 

‘it wasn’t anything romantic or anything we were just-’

 

‘i’m teasing.’

 

trini scoffs. ‘that seems about right.’

 

kimberly lets the moment settle and lets her voice turn soft. ‘thanks for telling me.’

 

trini nods. ‘you’re right. about communicating.’

 

‘because that way we both get what we want.’ kimberly knocks their shoulders together. ‘mutual satisfaction.’

 

‘you’re such a-’

 

‘such a what?’ kimberly cannot get rid of the smile on her face. she doesn’t want it to leave. ‘i want to know.’ 

 

‘what you are or what i like?’

 

‘both.’

 

‘we could be here all day.’ trini jokes. 

 

whisky finally sets himself down a short distance away from them, chewing on his ball, happily.

 

‘or you could tell me what you want?’

 

trini rolls her eyes and sighs. ‘there’s a checklist.’

 

‘a checklist?’ 

 

‘i didn’t make it.’ trini states before kimberly can comment. ‘it’s an online thing with a list of things to do with bdsm. what you would do, what you might do, what you won’t do.’

 

kimberly is becoming more familiar with the language but hearing trini say BDSM out loud is still a strange thing to hear.

 

‘does that involve hard limits?’ kimberly asks. 

 

trini nods. ‘and soft limits.’

 

‘are you making these things up now?’

 

trini holds her free hand out and kimberly fishes out her phone and unlocks it. ‘don’t break my phone.’

 

‘shut up.’ trini mumbles as she opens up safari on kimberly’s phone. ‘that was your fault.’

 

kimberly leans back against the tree and smirks. ‘i still have that picture.’ she watches trini out of the corner of her eyes. ‘y’know, if you didn’t get a good look at it the first time.’

 

trini stops her google search for ‘soft limits’ to turn to kimberly. she seems to scan kimberly up and down, looking at her neck and then her face. kimberly is distracted by the colour of trini’s eyes and how the setting sun bounces light off trini’s hair. 

 

‘i didn’t.’ trini admits. there’s a pull at her lip and she smiles at kimberly. it’s a slow /i have an idea/ smile that she doesn’t reveal to kimberly. ‘but i guess we’ll get to that.’

 

kimberly is left speechless as trini turns back to the phone and without a beat starts to read out; 

 

‘ A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they may still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid.’

 

trini clicks kimberly’s phone off and waits for kimberly’s reaction.

 

the afternoon is winding into early evening and everything is fresh and buzzing around like bees in her head. there’s a lot to process from her own imagination of trini and other girls to the spark of secrets in trini’s smile. 

 

kimberly feels anticipation from head to toe. 

 

‘i think you better send me that checklist.’

 

trini bites on her bottom lip briefly. ‘please.’

 

‘what?’ kimberly blushes, caught off guard by the action and the word.

 

trini offers kimberly’s phone back to her. ‘can you /please/ have that checklist.’

 

the blush doesn’t go away and suddenly she feels so close to trini and it’s both intoxicating and unbearable. trini correcting her, establishing a small change to the way she speaks to trini, makes kimberly realize. they’re starting now.

 

‘can you send me that checklist, please?’

 

trini looks to take her own steadying breath and nods. ‘i want it back tonight.’

 

kimberly takes her phone back letting the shiver run down her spine. ‘yes,’

 

trini pulls back and softly pushes some of kimberly’s short hair behind her right ear. ‘good.’ 

 

she holds her hand there and kimberly feels drawn in. looking back this won’t be the first moment, or the last, but the one that sticks when she thinks about the times when she’s wanted to kiss someone. and it’s never felt like this. 

 

trini pinches kimberly’s ear playfully between her thumb and knuckle.

 

and in the warm orange glow of a dusty angel grove park, kimberly isn’t sure she’s ever felt so clear headed about this.

 

 

*

 

 

trini hasn’t given her a deadline so kimberly pretends midnight is the final strike she needs to send her response by. 

 

after sitting down to dinner with her parents, clearing the table and helping her mom to wash the dishes, kimberly retreats upstairs to her room. 

 

kimberly shakes away the screensaver on her laptop and a little envelope jumps with her email app when she opens it. the subject line is fashioned with a lightening bolt and kimberly ties her hair back. her collar stays under her unmade bed as much as today has made her want to put it on. trini wants her to be open and honest and clear. unbiased by the way she feels when she’s collared.

 

kimberly double clicks until a word document opens on her laptop.

 

it’s called the /submissive’s checklist/ and it starts with a set of instructions before kimberly sees any headlines.

 

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

For  **Experience** , write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to you.

For  **Willingness** , indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.

"?"     means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.

NO     means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).

 

the instructions are straightforward but kimberly still reads them several times to make sure she’s not missing anything. this /thing/ has started between them now. this is the beginning. the first steps.

 

0 (zero)   indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loathe it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit Me to do it if I really wanted to (sometimes called a "soft limit").

1     means you don't want to do, or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.

2     means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.

3     means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/occasional basis.

4     means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.

5     means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.

 

the document lines itself out with three columns as expected: experience (YES/NO), willingness (YES/NO) and notes.

 

before she goes any further kimberly checks her phone for the text that had come through during her dinner. 

 

**trini:**

i’ll show you mine.

when you show me yours.

 

kimberly isn’t clear whether trini is talking about the list. 

 

but she doesn’t want to wait long to find out.

 

_ / anal sex / _

 

naturally it’s going to be in alphabetical order but it still takes kimberly a second to really realize what she’s being asked to fill out. 

 

‘here we go then,’ kimberly mumbles.

 

the rest of the list follows. some things kimberly expects and some things she doesn’t. there are a couple of things she can rule out right away. like she has no desire to involve more than one person in this- she’s just wrapping her own head about there being one person, one girl, that she wants. 

 

_ / asphyxiation / _

 

willing with experience. a check in two columns. this is just another step to figuring out what they both want from this. kimberly is hesitant to even call it a relationship. is that what she wants? is that what this is about?

 

kimberly has thought about it over the last couple of days and weeks. because trini has been associated with her own discovery for as long as she’s been aware. 

 

_ / body worship / _

 

yes. god yes. and trini was the start of it all. the feeling she gets when she puts on trini’s jacket, how much she wants to be around her, how it can leave her smiling for hours afterwards. 

 

_ / breathplay / _

 

is that not just the same thing as-

 

_ / collars / _

 

in private, yes. in public, the other option; kimberly hovers over until she settles on a number in the middle. 

 

this is the one thing she’s sure about. kimberly pauses for a second and looks over at her untidy bed and thinks about the box. she daydreams further, remembering the look on trini’s face when she mentioned her selfie and how that set off the chain of events leading to...well here. 

 

_ / dildoes / _

 

kimberly glances over her shoulder at the sound of the television being switched on downstairs. yes, since trini has a PO Box and everything. kimberly can’t see herself wearing it though. not now at least.

 

_ /examination/ _

 

kimberly has to google this one further and adds another check to the ‘no’.

 

kimberly does this a few times, crossing things out in the ‘no’ column or the ‘maybe’ column as she scrolls further down. / exhibitionism/  makes it into the maybe pile while just looking at /fisting (vaginal)/  written in front of her makes her wince as she scores it a /1/.

 

things are easier to sort through for the next couple; following orders joins forced nudity, forced servitude, and hair or head held during oral sex  scoring 4s and 5s .  kimberly has no issues following orders, it’s something she’s done all her life and coming from trini makes it more appealing than listening to her old cheer captain yelling at her to keep her arms up.

 

kimberly is being honest. painfully and embarrassingly honest. 

 

kimberly continues through high heel wearing, to immobilization which has her instantly putting in her newly created hard limit zone after the thought of being trapped in her burning zord, to service and pain. kimberly finishes her mental sorting and ends with a /1/ to verbal humiliation.

 

at the end of it she feels like she’s been run through the ringer. her eyes have been opened in more than one way and there are a few little discoveries that she wasn’t aware of.

 

the list gets saved as ‘homework’ and attached to an email. it’s well before midnight when she sends it off to trini. the little ‘woosh’ it makes hasn’t even sounded before kimberly is lying on her bed with a hand resting on her forehead and her phone on her chest. 

 

she likes her. 

 

her forehead is warm against the back of her hand. when she closes her eyes she thinks of the stars that night at the quarry when they first found the power coins. 

 

it should be said that her life is complicated now. every day she wakes up and tries not to crush her doorknob when she opens her door, if not rip it off altogether, or move too fast and cause suspicion on how she managed to get across town in a third of the time it should take.

 

but that doesn’t mean it’s as complicated as it was before. 

 

every day going into school after sending that picture of amanda out into the world, after punching ty’s tooth out, and walking around with people staring at her like they’d been waiting all along for her true colours to come out. 

 

she walked around with her head held as high as she could manage even after sitting in the principal's’ office and watching amanda’s dad react to the picture. someone who drove her to and from cheer competitions for years with amanda and harper, who’s known her for years; but it still affected her.

 

of course she still listened to the names they called her and the lies they spread. being frozen out of her friendship group hurt and that small glimmer of hope being extinguished at that first detention was painful. cutting her hair wasn’t the only thing that had run through her mind when she pulled those scissors from the wall.

 

and it’s not perfect now. some days she still feels amanda glaring at the back of her head or harper making sly digs. ty avoids her like the plague but she still feels the echoes of his words whenever she catches a glimpse of him in the lunch hall.

 

on the scale of it all, being a super-powered alien armored fighter pilot is really not the top of her complicated list. keeping her identity a secret doesn’t compare to dealing with the rest of it. 

 

(and who would believe her?)

 

this though is on a different level. this is personal and not something she’d ever thought about. girls or what she wants them to do to her. that’s different and scary. even if it feels welcome. 

 

but there’s a reason she was always the first to turn to trini. that’s easy to figure out when she looks back. wanting to include trini in what they were all discovering about themselves and then taking the time to get close to her. 

 

at first it could have passed off as being wanting to have a friend who was a girl now that amanda and harper were out of the picture. but there was something else.

 

this, kimberly supposes, lying underneath what she thought was a want for friendship.

 

when really its-

 

her phone buzzes and kimberly feels it all the way up her throat. 

 

**trini:**

i know ur freaking out.

but don’t.

 

kimberly scoffs and it turns into a pathetic, sad laugh because how easy is she to read? kimberly misses how she feels when she doesn’t have to think herself. how she feels wearing her armor, in her zord, fighting and being with her friends. effortless confidence. 

 

**kimberly:**

easy to say

 

**trini:**

you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

 

it’s reassuring and follows on from one of their earliest conversations, kimberly can’t remember where they were, with trini describing that nothing happens unless it’s safe, sane and consensual. the list isn’t a free for all YES. 

 

**kimberly:**

neither do you.

 

small steps. communication. 

 

she tries hard not to think too much about trini yet. when she does she feels dazed and slow. every little memory filling her up enough to forget about anything she should be doing. like the snapchat story with trini drawing a line to her jacket and tagging it /mine/

 

labels neither of them are claiming just yet. 

 

in the end it’s a two way street and kimberly isn’t going to do anything she doesn’t want to do and she’s not going to make trini do that either. 

 

**trini:**

but we can start off on the same foot.

 

**trini:**

photo_340kb.JPEG

 

kimberly is halfway through a ‘????’ when the second message comes through. the third, a small lightning bolt, she just catches to warn her what she’s opening.

  
  
  


                                                                                                  

 

the bolt emoji does not prepare her in the slightest.

 

**kimberly:**

i need more warning than that

 

**trini:**

don’t know whether i should be flattered u’re texting back or offended that u didn’t smash your phone.

 

**kimberly:**

i’m dying

 

it’s not a completely exaggerated statement.

 

it’s a selfie taken, probably propped up on her desk or chair, of trini sitting on the end of her bed wearing-

 

**kimberly:**

that is the nicest set of lingerie i have ever seen

 

**trini:**

how can you be so straight right now

 

**kimberly:**

because some people act straight to cope trini?? 

 

trini has cropped the picture completely cutting off her face but her hair is brushed back over her shoulders. it hangs long over her back and peeks out in the gap between where her right arm is supporting her against her bed. 

 

kimberly is coping as best she can while newly discovered nerves spark all over her body. 

 

this is definitely not the same as seeing amanda’s picture. not even on the same planet. 

 

because amanda would not look this good wearing black bra made up of more lace than kimberly ever thought trini might own. or convey more in the simple tug of the thin band of her black panties than-

 

**kimberly:**

oh my god

 

**kimberly:**

jesus 

 

**trini:**

keep going. my catholic mother is going to sense all these blasphemies

 

**kimberly:**

is that a thong?

 

it definitely is and that doesn’t help one bit.

 

she’s seen trini shirtless before. when they get changed after training or when kimberly has helped to patch her up when the putties get too rough. but injuries and sweat seem to make her blind to how trini looks now in this red filtered photograph. soft but strong. the curve of her hip leading to round thighs that kimberly definitely remembers struggling to break out of when they went through submissions the other week.

 

oh god. 

 

soft. 

 

**kimberly:**

i’m

 

**trini:**

going to bed?

 

the sudden change of pace has her reeling and kimberly scrolls up to stare at the picture until a few texts from trini follow one after the other.

 

**trini:**

since it’s late. 

and we’ve both shared tonight.

 

**trini** :

here’s a small thing to start us off.

 

kimberly can feel her hands shaking waiting for whatever trini seems to have found on the list she sent back.

 

**trini:**

i’ll see u tmrrw at school. but until then

 

**trini:**

no collar. 

 

kimberly’s heart makes a slow and heavy thud-thud at trini texting that. the urge to pull up her mattress and take her collar out of the box had been the next thing to rise up after looking at trini’s photo. and to put that photograph to a more productive use as well.

 

but the text isn’t just a ‘no you can’t’. it’s a ‘that’s final’.

 

and kimberly had said yes to that. 

 

no collar. 

 

**trini:**

?

 

a restless night awaited.

 

**kimberly:**

understood.

  
  


*

 

everything looks different in the daylight. the red of trini’s picture is a colour on the tips of trini’s ears when they see each other the next day. 

 

kimberly doesn’t mention it, trini doesn’t ask her about it. both of them falling into step on the way to separate classes.

 

the only confirmation trini wants from her on that morning is if she’s done as asked.

 

‘it’s under my bed.’ kimberly hovers outside trini’s classroom to answer. ‘i didn’t.’

 

trini rocks back on her heels and kimberly thinks it’s a crime that she has to act normal when trini pulls it off so easily. ‘good.’ 

 

it’s naive to say that nothing really changes. 

 

it feels like they’re building to something. the next few days see trini texting her again as the night grows later with a yes or no to whether or not she gets what she wants. 

 

on the nights that kimberly puts her collar on, buckling it, for herself; it’s always with permission. 

 

and that’s how they start small. 

 

she reads more. trini reads endlessly with her headphones in during their study hours in the library. homework and research.

 

a part of her knows this is barely scratching the surface but it’s feeding a beat of desire she never even knew existed. a control that she hasn’t had since before she sent that picture to ty. and it’s coming from another person. 

 

over the days it leaks more and more into her life without realizing. trini taking things on that kimberly doesn’t even know she wanted. picking up lunch for her, coffee orders, downtime-

 

it’s not sexual in nature. other than that exchange of pictures trini hasn’t asked anything of her that falls in the lines of the list. there’s hesitation on both sides, or at least kimberly thinks there is. they haven’t even talked about whether or not this even constitutes dating-

 

she just doesn’t realize how weird it sounds sometimes out in the open. 

 

like now, jason has his right arm around kimberly’s shoulders as he shuffles and limps on his left leg towards the nurse’s office. one time this would be for show but in the weeks since they’ve morphed and changed a few cracks have begun to show themselves. 

 

like jason’s knee not being as healed as he once thought.

 

‘did you hear it pop?’ kimberly quizzes. he’s heavy and this is only easy because she’s stronger.

 

‘no.’ jason grunts.

 

‘i thought you’d been going to your physio?’ kimberly comments.

 

‘with what time?’ jason points out. ‘between here and fixing the truck and our thing-’

 

the rangers thing.

 

‘-i’ve missed a couple of sessions.’

 

kimberly frowns at his weak excuses. ‘i’m telling billy.’

 

‘that’s cruel.’ jason says. ‘you’ll just worry him.’

 

‘you’re worrying me.’ kimberly retorts. jason is usually the one getting on at all of them about doing things so it’s only fair she does it to him.

 

‘yeah well ditto.’ jason mutters as they come up to the office door. 

 

‘what’s that supposed to mean?’ kimberly just gets out before trini slips out of the nurse’s office looking sheepish. 

 

kimberly and jason are both taken aback to see her and their conversation is forgotten.

 

‘trini?’ 

 

‘hey.’ trini looks slightly panicked to see them heading in the direction she was heading out of but she calms quickly, putting on a bored expression. she stuffs something in her back pocket and won’t meet kimberly’s eyes when she looks up again. ‘what’s up?’

 

‘jason’s popped his knee.’ kimberly accuses. 

 

‘i have-’ jason glares at kimberly. ‘i haven’t. it’s just stiff.’

 

a couple of kids pass behind them and it doesn’t take enhanced hearing to listen to them laugh at what jason says. 

 

trini raises her eyebrow. ‘and how is the nurse going to help with your -stiffness-?’

 

jason’s face falls. ‘uncool.’

 

‘who says /uncool/ anymore?’ trini fires back. ‘aren’t you supposed to be wearing a brace for that anyway?’

 

jason’s shoulders fall and kimberly supports him more. ‘team leader here left it at home.’

 

‘i didn’t think i needed it.’ jason looks hopelessly between them. ‘this is a lot of judging.’

 

‘you’re so dumb sometimes.’ kimberly shakes her head.

 

‘where is it?’ trini asks.

 

jason looks back. ‘my brace? at home. i was just going to ask for something to support it until later.’

 

‘until you make it worse?’

 

‘it’s not gonna get worse.’ jason argues.

 

‘it’s not going to get any better if you don’t look after yourself.’ 

 

jason knows he’s not going to win this round when it’s the two of them against him. 

 

‘yeah well if getting hit by a train didn’t make it worse then i’m not too worried about walking on it.’

 

kimberly gives jason her best disapproving look until he wilts. ‘alright, alright. i’ll call my mom.’

 

kimberly asks. ‘does she know where it is?’ just as trini points out; ‘do you want her rooting around your room?’

 

kimberly has never had to share a home with a brother but clearly trini has some insight into what guys hide in their rooms, even if the only experience she has are currently 8 years old, because jason’s face suddenly grows worried. there’s definitely more than ranger related secrets jason has under his bed.

 

trini watches jason’s face journey before making a decision. ‘kimberly will take you. she has a free period.’

 

jason looks between her and trini like he’s waiting for kimberly to list off why she can’t.

 

it’s a short list really but it also doesn’t matter because trini is telling her what she has to do now. kimberly can is more kimberly /will/ than anything.

 

she straightens up where she’s been slouching under jason’s arm and nods. ‘yeah of course.’ jason is still looking at her with a confused expression. ‘i’ll drive you home.’

 

jason nods. ‘i should get my bag-’

 

kimberly lets his hand go and he stands up on his own weight. ‘are you gonna be alright?’

 

‘it’s only round the corner.’ when kimberly holds his gaze he follows on. ‘billy is in the same class. if it hurts, he’ll help me back out alright?’

 

it’s a compromise but kimberly still watches him gingerly step on his right foot towards the classroom.

 

then kimberly remembers they’re outside the nurse’s office. trini has her hands stuffed into the back pockets of her jeans and she’s looking up with that usual bored expression. 

 

‘you okay?’ kimberly nods her head towards the office door. 

 

trini clears her throat. ‘i’m good. i’ll tell you about it later.’

 

‘later?’

 

trini shrugs and gives her a small smile. ‘not grounded anymore. still using my dad’s old phone until i can pay for a new one but i’m not confined to my room anymore.’

 

kimberly’s throat dries up. ‘that doesn’t sound so bad.’

 

‘i guess if i was confined with you.’ trini tilts her head. ‘that’d be a different story.’

 

it feels so long since someone has flirted with her that kimberly doesn’t have the coherency to respond other than to look completely thrilled. trini laughs at her until kimberly relaxes.

 

‘what time do your parents go to bed?’

 

‘late. like 1 or 2.’ kimberly says. ‘they work until like 7 sometimes.’

 

trini nods. ‘you should text me when.’

 

‘yeah.’

 

trini steps to the side and kimberly reaches out to her. her fingertips just brush against trini’s wrist but trini turns back and steps into her space. 

 

it’s the first time since the time in her room that they’ve been this close. 

 

they’ve hugged before. a mess of a group in the aftermath of slapping rita into space and returning their zords to the mountain. each of them had powered down, losing their armor, and the last traces of distance between them. everyone became everyone’s number one priority. 

 

kimberly remembers jason holding her in his arms for the longest time after watching each other from their zords almost burning. just needing to make sure the other was still there.

 

zack had been hard to keep hold of as he’d wanted to run off the energy and excitement he felt and billy still felt too much if touched for too long.

 

but with trini then, and now, it felt needed. just like with jason, holding each other to make sure the other was still in one piece, knowing trini had her back the entire fight. just like she has her now.

 

trini’s arms skip past her jacket and she hugs kimberly around her waist, the back of kimberly’s jacket covering her arms. in fact when kimberly rests her chin against trini’s head trini is almost invisible from behind. 

 

which is why jason must look a little surprised when they separate from each other on his return.

 

‘everything alright?’

 

billy hasn’t followed him out which is a good sign.

 

‘what,’ trini bristles slightly. ‘we can only hug if the world is ending?’

 

jason shrugs in a /well you said it/ gesture. kimberly uses his distraction to tug the top of trini’s beanie slightly and watches how trini draws down. 

 

‘ready?’ kimberly moves on. jason nods. ‘see you later.’

 

‘text me.’ trini reminds her before she walks to her next class.

 

kimberly prompts jason to sling his arm around her shoulders again and helps him to her car. he’s less than impressed as she purposely smothers him by fastening his seatbelt like he isn’t able to do it and sets the air conditioning on so he doesn’t overheat.

 

yeah he doesn’t think that’s funny.

 

jason rubs his knee as she starts the engine and doesn’t stop until she’s helping him out of the car and up to his room. 

 

it looks different in the daylight. the posters she couldn’t see the night she snuck in here are mostly of football players and white boy rappers. it also smells like febreeze over sweat and jason notes her faint gag with a ‘hey we can’t all smell like fancy perfume with no effort.’

 

kimberly’s retort of ‘you could if you ignored gender norms.’ only gets one of jason’s training shirts thrown in her face.

 

‘or showered.’

 

kimberly dodges the next shoe and watches jason groan and sit down on his bed. 

 

‘how bad is it?’

 

‘some days are okay.’ jason winces and starts rubbing his knee again.

 

‘have you talked to zordon about it?’

 

‘alpha 5 says the same things the doctor says.’ clearly he hasn’t talked to zordon. ‘the only reason we can think of why i’m not in more pain is because my tolerance is higher.’

 

‘and the physical aspect?’ kimberly asks. jason points under his desk and kimberly finds his brace. she pats the dust off it.

 

‘i’m stronger?’ jason guesses. ‘the suit supports it like the brace would but take all that away...’

 

‘you need to keep wearing this.’ kimberly pulls the straps apart and kneels down to help jason put the brace back around his knee. ‘no one is going to think less of you.’

 

‘it’s a reminder.’ jason says in that solemn tone. 

 

kimberly doesn’t need to be reminded about all the crosses they hold and it’s not going to make jason keep on top of his physio appointments so she sighs. ‘we all have our things to bare.’

 

‘and how are you doing with that?’ jason asks.

 

kimberly starts pulling straps together to secure the brace. ‘i’m coping.’

 

‘truthfully?’

 

‘i am.’ it’s not a lie. it’s a relief to be honest about it. kimberly knows she’s not near 100% but these last few weeks have helped. ‘i didn’t think i’d ever-’

 

‘i’m glad.’ jason nods. ‘i meant what i said.’

 

that she wasn’t a bad person. that doing a bad thing didn’t mean she was a bad person. deserving to move on and be happy. 

 

kimberly still chokes up about it though and plays it back at him. ‘what? when i creeped through your window?’

 

‘still weird.’ jason laughs.

 

kimberly finishes up. ‘there- is that too tight?’

 

‘nah, feels good.’ jason stretches his knee out with a small pained expression. ‘thanks kim. you didn’t have to waste your free on this.’

 

‘i did.’ kimberly responds automatically. 

 

‘why? because trini told you to,’ jason jokes. ‘she’s tiny. you could take her.’

 

kimberly finishes velcro-ing some of the straps down with a thin lipped smile. ‘uh huh.’

 

jason contemplates her as she brushes the knees of her jeans and stands up. ‘everything is okay with you, right?’

 

‘yeah.’ kimberly responds. ‘why wouldn’t it be?’

 

jason shakes his head. ‘nothing just. if something was wrong, you can tell me.’

 

kimberly can see where he’s leading her and as much as she thinks the world of jason this is not a conversation she wants to bring him into. 

 

‘i know jase.’ she’s sincere in her reply. because the boy really was built to be their team leader. not for his direction but for his heart. 

 

he seems content with the answer and even more content to be sitting on his bed. kimberly swerves judging him for the teenage mutant ninja turtle sheets because they’re having a moment but asks; ‘you coming back to school?’

 

‘nah. i think i can get away with an afternoon.’ jason smiles at her. ‘that is, if my good friend kimberly hart lets my teachers know i’ve had to go home.’

 

kimberly scoffs. ‘you’re lucky that your good friend kimberly hart thinks you deserve a break.’ she reaches out and messes up his hair. ‘need anything before i go?’

 

‘i’m good kim,’ jason says. ‘i’ll text one of you if i need anything.’

 

kimberly rolls her eyes knowing jason will only ever end up texting billy if he needs company since jason’s mom adores billy and thinks the rest of them are troublemakers because they’re all /detention friends/.

 

‘get some sleep.’ kimberly suggests before she lets herself out. she double checks that jason’s front door is locked before getting back in her car. out of habit she pulls her phone out.

 

**kimberly:**

fearless leader is back home.

 

a few seconds later trini replies.

 

**trini:**

photo_130kb.jpeg

 

it’s another selfie but the lack of a bolt emoji lets her know it’s safe to open and kimberly ends up grinning over the image of billy and trini clearly hunched down close to their desks as possible to avoid getting caught on her phone. they’re not doing anything but smiling like they’re causing trouble but kimberly can’t even bring herself to think about starting her car until she remembers she, unlike jason, doesn’t have an excuse for being late back.

 

*

  
  


kimberly hart has never been one to lie. 

 

when amanda confronted her about the picture kimberly didn’t deny it. she might have thrown every excuse under the sun at amanda then at ty then the school and then various parents. but she never lied about sending it.

 

she’s good at keeping secrets and deflecting the truth. the guilt that comes with lying though is not something she has ever been able to deal with, so she avoids it at all costs.

 

which is why when her mom reaches out and tugs gently on the end of her short, short hair and asks if there’s something wrong, no doubt because kimberly had been bouncing her foot for the entire meal, kimberly blurts out that trini is coming over.

 

kimberly has mostly kept her parents in the loop about her friends. the ranger thing is off the table so when kimberly started hanging out with new friends, after her fall from grace, her parents were a little concerned. it’s taken a few times for her mom to be able to pick out her friends in a crowd and not watch closely as kimberly jumps in billy’s mom’s new van without concern. 

 

her mom had just raised an eyebrow at that and she doesn’t even have to look at the clock for kimberly to know her mom is wondering when trini is coming over.

 

unlike her dad though, who had retreated from the table after a serving too many of  matla undhiyu, her mom won’t comment further on it.

 

maybe it’s because unlike her cousins’ she’s never had people over who have wrecked the house by morning. 

 

or maybe it’s because trini is a girl who her mom has met. or just because she’s a girl.

 

the exchange ended with kimberly clearing the rest of the plates away and her mom tapping a box of leftovers on the side. 

 

‘if your friend gets hungry.’

 

a part of her does feel bad that she’s lying on her bed, with faded glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, waiting for the tell tale sign of someone gripping on the edge of her bedroom window. the part that doesn’t is shamelessly flipping between looking at the pictures trini had sent her. the classroom selfie that makes her stomach do barrel rolls and the red light picture kimberly keeps having to tear her eyes away from, pressing her phone against her chest to take a time out from it.

 

that’s embarrassing. 

 

luckily she’s moved on by the time she hears the creak of trini muscling up to her bedroom window. the frame squeaks when kimberly shoves it up for trini to duck under. trini brushes against her as she clambers in. 

 

‘my brothers’ wanted a bedtime story.’ trini offers. there’s no sorry needed. 

 

‘you took about the time a normal person without super powers would take.’ kimberly rubs her palms together for something to do. ‘it’s believable.’

 

trini squints at kimberly. probably wondering why she’s speaking louder than a whisper. ‘your parents know i’m here?’

 

kimberly shrugs. ‘my mom has a way of getting me to talk.’

 

‘that’s slightly worrying.’ trini deadpans. she helps kimberly shut the window quietly and then they both step away from it. outside the only lights visible are from the dim street lighting. 

 

kimberly catches up. ‘other than about things like- this.’

 

‘i’m not sure how that conversation would go.’ trini jokes. trini leans against her wall while kimberly takes her place back up on her bed. 

 

‘what? about my accessory or you?’ kimberly asks. she pushes her pillows up to rest against. 

 

‘i wouldn’t be climbing through your window that’s for sure.’

 

‘i don’t think you have to worry about them putting bars on my window.’ kimberly reassures. 

 

‘sure.’ trini starts to slowly smile. ‘they’d just tell you to stay and you’d do it.’

 

kimberly knows she’s being teased and her reply of ‘hey’ comes out as a fluttered and weak in her defense.

 

‘how was today?’

 

kimberly could talk about her third period math class or what she did after she got back to school but trini is asking about them now. ‘with jason?’

 

‘i know i didn’t really give you a warning about it but-’

 

‘no, it was okay.’ at trini’s incredulous look kimberly nods firmly. ‘it was good. like, look. you read my list.’

 

‘and like i said, there are still boundaries.’ trini shrugs. ‘i’m figuring this out with you as well and part of that is finding where you want to fall and where you want to play.’

 

‘play?’

 

trini looks at her with amusement. ‘you’re gonna have to look that one up yourself.’

 

‘is that optional?’

 

‘i’d make myself clear if it wasn’t.’

 

‘okay.’ kimberly takes a deep breath and remembers -communication-. ‘i like you telling me what to do. public or private. i’m okay with that. within reason.’

 

she tilts her head because trini knows all these things. she read her list. and that there will be times, like when they’re out as rangers, that things like that have to fade to the back. 

 

‘and other things?’

 

‘private.’ kimberly decides on. ‘i don’t want the first time we try something to be under pressure or scrutiny because we’re not alone.’

 

‘agreed.’ trini smiles.

 

‘what?’ when trini doesn’t elaborate, kimberly laughs. ‘trini what?’

 

‘nothing it’s just,’ trini’s grin softens with pride. ‘look at you, owning your big kinky panic.’

 

kimberly laughs so hard that she snorts and reaches around to throw a pillow at trini. trini grabs it out of the air and muffles her own laughter so as not to wake the rest of the house up. ‘your parents!’ she hushes kimberly. ‘you gotta be quiet.’

 

‘come keep me quiet.’ falls out of kimberly’s mouth in a whisper.

 

trini’s hands drop the pillow down from her chest to in front of her hips and in the hazy glow of her bedside lamp her golden jacket gives trini a warm aura. it covers the stumble in her step.

 

kimberly leans back on her elbows trying to look more confident than she feels. every second trini doesn’t speak kimberly is remembering trini’s weight on top of her and the sound of her own cries after confessing that she wanted to kiss trini.

 

she still wants to kiss trini.

 

the time that she hasn’t been thinking about that seems irrelevant. it’s been in the back of her head constantly. 

 

the peppered kisses trini had planted against her neck feel like invisible tattoos waiting to be reinked. 

 

but like with everything they’ve been working around these last few weeks, it requires wading into new waters. permission.

 

her foot hangs off the bed and trini is close enough for kimberly to tap it against trini’s calf. when trini doesn’t move kimberly rises up off her elbows, supporting herself on one hand to reach out for the edge of trini’s bomber jacket. 

 

somewhere between the days and classes they’ve floated through kimberly had given it back after washing it. kimberly misses the feel of it.

 

kimberly doesn’t do more than tug slightly on trini’s bomber jacket but trini is pulled forward slightly. she stares at kimberly with a far away look. like she’s rooting through her own thoughts and aligning them with the shape of kimberly’s face. 

 

‘i want to kiss you too.’

 

trini’s confession comes out as more than a whisper and without the tears kimberly had shed. 

 

hearing it out loud ignites all of her own feelings. rockets shoot through her veins and pop in her ears. kimberly is too aware of the space between them as she lets her grip on trini fall in favour of her own words.

 

‘you should.’  

 

kimberly wants her reassurance to follow soon but trini shuffles her feet against kimberly’s carpet until she’s able to pull off her trainers, tied laces untouched, and the beanie. trini carefully places that on kimberly’s vanity, where she leaves her yellow power coin glowing next to kimberly’s pink.

 

kimberly moves herself up towards her pillows, sitting upright until trini comes over, using the space between them as a hook to reel. 

 

trini looks smaller, without her beanie and shoes, when she slowly kneels on the bed like she had those days ago. her hands find their way either side of kimberly’s hips as trini crawls up. kimberly backs down, laying flat and letting trini get comfortable.

 

trini is close enough that her hair just tickles against kimberly’s chin but blows away when trini puffs it, before pushing it behind her ear. distractions and deflections. 

 

kimberly can imagine a time will come where this short moment will inspire laughter. the bubbling nerves between them a fond thought rather than an enormous deal. the story of their first kiss being against the pale blue sheets of kimberly’s bed while her parents sleep down the hall. 

 

‘it’s okay.’

 

kimberly has kissed a few boys.

 

usually hooked under their heavy arms or pushed up against the side of their cars because some stereotypes can’t be avoided in these small towns. she’s never had any issues with their stubble or wandering hands. she was there to guide them away from their desires and push back. to break off and cool them down.

 

trini has kissed girls before. 

 

so when kimberly shakes with not-quite-nerves but anticipation when trini kisses her for the first time trini is already there pushing her fingers through kimberly’s short hair until her thumbnail is scratching underneath her ear. trini is keeping her weight off her, balancing on her left forearm, like the space is there for kimberly to breathe. 

 

the overwhelming feeling begins to crack into manageable pieces. trini’s teeth pulling at her bottom lip. finding it hard to swallow. her eyes catching glimpses of her ceiling and wisps of trini’s hair. her hands torn between being fisted in the bottom of trini’s shirt, probably stretching it out beyond its wearability, and around the back of trini’s neck while they kiss. 

 

no super strength needed to keep her in place only vague and unconnected thoughts about how soft trini feels, how she can feel trini’s arms shaking, the perfume kimberly knows so well and the passing of time or the way trini seems to shake like a purr rumbling through her chest.

 

her body feels like it sinks into her mattress, suddenly untouchable by any forces in the world that aren’t trini’s hands, trini’s lips. 

 

sudden short sharp gasps sing in the air when trini shifts and breaks a kiss, not their first or second but numberless in the cycle kimberly is welcome to be lost in. 

 

her lips are pouted and pink and her eyes drop between kimberly’s face and her neck before kimberly tugs her back. their next kiss crashes in time with the telltale rip of fabric. the hem of trini’s shirt a victim to this newness. neither stop to mourn the loss. 

 

the giddy headrush hits her again when trini’s arm shakes too much for her to hold and between a changing soft peck to the corner of her mouth kimberly’s hand releases trini’s shirt and both fall into the small of her back. her thumbs caress the plushy material of trini’s jacket to urge trini to press into her. 

 

her knees slide down slightly and trini sinks into the space kimberly’s parted knees give her. both not realizing until then how unnecessary the space kept between them was as feeling trini’s body pressed atop of hers sends a ripple of affection through her that teases out a whimper between their next kiss.

 

and she feels made for this. 

 

the rush she had gotten when she woke up the night after the train crash. looking past how sick she felt, how angry amanda’s text had made her and the shooting growing pains her body seemed to feel everywhere- that sense of fulfilment. 

 

of belonging to something bigger.

 

this is how it felt then. a supernova twisting in her stomach. burning her up inside.

 

kimberly slips her fingers underneath the back of trini’s shirt and feels the tiny goosebumps against trini’s spine. her hands follow the trail of trini’s spine, branching out to her ribcage, distracted by the soft panting between kisses and the fascination of counting trini’s ribs with gentle hands. 

 

when trini pulls back her shirt is bunched up around her ribs. the back of it tucked under her bra in some places that kimberly doesn’t remember initiating. the front of it has ripped slightly up the middle. it gives her flash of trini’s stomach and the black edge of her sports bra.  

 

the distinction makes kimberly flush more knowing that trini had made a pointed effort to wear something kimberly hadn’t seen when they changed for training when she sent that photograph the other night.

 

trini doesn’t even pull it back down. instead she reaches out to the bracelet on kimberly’s forearm; a capri wrap bracelet that had been a birthday gift from her mother; and hooks a finger underneath it. 

 

‘this is freezing.’ trini murmurs.

 

-on her back- kimberly shakes her head and; ‘oh yeah-’ she unravels it from her arm and reaches behind her to place it on her bedside table. it slides into the small dip where one too many alarm clocks have met their demise.

 

kimberly moves her hand back to the side of trini’s head, rubbing her thumb over the tight braids trini has there, wondering how long they take her to do. the pull returns and kimberly lifts up slightly to bring her lips to trini’s and they’re kissing again.

 

this time though kimberly feels trini’s hands come down from her jaw to her throat. they lightly touch at her skin, tracing a pattern, a line across. with every return kimberly feels herself want more. the kisses break often and with each kimberly can feel something growing closer. 

 

‘how long have you wanted to kiss me for?’ breathlessly kimberly asks because she needs to ask, to know, and to fill up the space in her head that is just emptying the longer they kiss for.

 

trini squints in confusion, looking at kimberly like; _/you’re asking now?/_

 

kimberly swallows and reaches back out to trini’s hair, brushing it out of her face. ‘i’m curious.’

 

‘that’s how we ended up here.’ trini brings up. 

 

kimberly expects trini to shut her up again after that comment but she shows restraint and pushes up slightly, so that she’s resting mostly on kimberly’s hips but not her stomach. 

 

‘a while.’

 

‘uhuh?’

 

‘shut up.’ this time she does chase kimberly’s tilted head to kiss her. dizzy seconds pass with kimberly smiling into the kiss just enough to lull trini into a sense that talking was done.

 

‘is that why you’re so quiet all the time?’

 

‘huh?’ trini closes her eyes as kimberly presses tiny kisses to her cheek and jaw, purposely missing her lips. 

 

‘because you’re too busy daydreaming about making out with girls?’

 

trini leans back with a groan that kimberly cuts off by laughing. before trini can separate herself, kimberly locks her ankles behind trini’s thighs and fists her hands in trini’s shirt. both of them look down at the rip in trini’s shirt. 

 

kimberly uses the neck of trini’s shirt as a reel to beckon trini closer. she kisses the corner of trini’s lips. ‘or is it just me?’

 

the next time they kiss trini does something with her tongue that makes kimberly squirm underneath her. clearly all that undenied daydreaming is being put to good use.

 

kimberly doesn’t relax her locked ankles or her hands in trini’s shirt. trini in return doesn’t let up on the contact either. they wander through a timeless repetition of affection that kimberly draws out by pushing her thumb underneath the band of trini’s sports bra; that trini bookmarks in the way she pushes kimberly’s hair back.

 

every now and then, between the smack of their lips and throaty giggles, trini brushes her fingers against kimberly’s throat. 

 

they’re both thinking about it. 

 

kimberly’s collar is burning a hole under her mattress and knowing trini is touching her neck, thinking about it, as she’s reacting to it makes the anticipation unbearable.

 

but it won’t be tonight.

 

kimberly’s lips feel as raw as trini’s look, pouted and dry. trini is a vision with her hair fluffed up, fuzzy wisps escaping her once neat braids and face feeling hot underneath her palms. kimberly imagines she looks the same and wants to always match like this.

 

‘you want chapstick?’ kimberly’s voice sounds so low and so unlike her. she can feel trini’s hips push down in a delayed reaction to it as she stares down at kimberly.

 

‘you’re such a girl.’

 

‘i know. isn’t it great?’ kimberly wants to keep trini close and to stop the heat escaping as trini pushes up more and more. the space between them increases. the cinderella time is here. 

 

it’s colder when trini quietly stumbles off her bed and kimberly shifts, heading into her bathroom to find that offered chapstick, noting exactly how her body feels about everything trini put her through.

 

she finds watermelon and watches trini stuff her feet into laced up shoes with her beanie covering her ruffled looking hair. kimberly waits until she’s ready to leave before walking over with an apologetic look on her face.

 

‘sorry about your shirt.’

 

‘are you?’ trini raises a disbelieving look but takes and uses the offered chapstick.

 

trini zips up her jacket to hide the damage and steps closer. ‘see you tomorrow at school.’ trini rocks back on her heels and then leans up to kiss her. kimberly’s feels as dizzy as she did the first time. ‘get some sleep.’

 

it’s some spiderman shit, to kiss the girl and then disappear into the night, and kimberly was never that girl to fall about over things like that. but she can smell trini’s perfume on her pillow when she goes to bed and all kimberly can think about is that trini wanted to kiss her too.

  
  


*

  
  


‘-after you left i fell asleep for like four hours and i zoned out through dinner,’ jason fills them in. 

 

the five of them are sitting by the pit. the gentle hum of the ship behind them has been the soundtrack to their afternoon while they trained their way through gymnastics and variations of youtube taught parkour.

 

kimberly hasn’t worked so hard in months. her hands are full of gravel dents and dirt from handstands. her tanktop is soaked with sweat and a small part of them all, she thinks, can’t wait to jump up through the mermaid’s lagoon just to cool off. 

 

angel grove is sweltering underground.

 

jason had been sitting on the sidelines for the most of the session at the request of all of them. using the rocks to practice L-sits instead of anything that could further aggravate his knee. didn’t stop him from calling out zack’s lackluster form or cheering billy when he bumped into the wall more times than not. alpha 5 had given him a check up just to make sure he hadn’t caused further injury. 

 

kimberly was glad that the comments hadn’t strayed to her. her head was dizzy enough without being upside down today.

 

having to sit through detention passing notes and feeling like the rest of the room was just white noise when she looked over in trini’s direction. twisting her bracelet around her wrist and remembering trini pulling it off. 

 

yeah, kimberly took more than one flying paper note to the face and dropped out of more than one handstand too hard.

 

‘did your dad mind you being home?’ billy asks. he tugs on the yellow headband he likes to wear during training. ‘i know you said he was getting better but that sometimes doesn’t mean he’s better.’

 

they all needed a break. jason has his leg stretched on a rock, brace in place, while billy looks at it. every now and then billy will get his phone out and take a picture of it, like he was gathering references for later.

 

zack leans back against a pile of rocks, his ankles crossed together while he periodically tosses tiny bits of rubble at trini’s back.

 

trini is still standing having been the last to finish handstand walking. she has a flannel tied around her waist which she keeps dusting her hands off with. kimberly is easily distracted by the bands on trini’s wrists and the chipped nail polish. 

 

she honestly wants to be paying attention to jason’s conversation but trini kissed her last night and there isn’t much room for anything else.

 

‘things are better. we’re not snapping at each other so much i guess.’ jason nods and then starts smiling. ‘actually after my sister went to bed we both went out in the garage to look over the truck and he put on Boston and i don’t know why but he just starts singing along- and he hasn’t done that since i was a kid- the next thing i know-’

 

jason can’t keep from laughing as he describes both him and his dad air guitaring around the garage until his mom came to tell them both off. billy lights up

 

‘-you had a good night then?’ zack asks. ‘i was wondering what that was.’

 

‘huh?’ kimberly turns her attention to zack. ‘what are you talking about?’

 

zack wiggles his fingers at her. ‘our zen connection.’

 

trini scoffs. ‘bullshit.’ she’s wandered over slightly, standing closer to where kimberly is sat on the ground. 

 

zack places a hand on his heart. ‘you don’t feel it?’

 

kimberly snorts slightly when trini kicks dirt at him instead of answering.

 

‘the only thing i feel for you is disdain.’

 

‘that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’

 

billy turns away from jason’s brace. ‘he’s not wrong. zordon said that our ranger connection would grow in ways we wouldn’t fully understand.’

 

‘if we can’t understand it, then how can he explain it to us.’ kimberly asks.

 

‘billy understands it.’ jason points out.

 

‘billy managed to look at a ball of light and start reading the history of the power rangers. and it wasn’t even written in english.’ kimberly retorts.

 

billy doesn’t even look sheepish when he nods. ‘i did.’

 

‘so riddle us this then?’ zack prompts.

 

‘the morphing grid connects us to each other.’ billy states. ‘we know when there’s danger because it tells us about it. it would make sense that the longer we stay connected the more it helps us to sense.’

 

zack’s face changes suddenly to a wry smirk. ‘so say i’m in the shower-’

 

trini glares over at him in warning. ‘say you don’t finish that sentence.’

 

‘what? i’m just asking to ask.’ zack is definitely not asking to ask.

 

‘yeah and i don’t need to know about your morphing habits.’

 

billy looks at jason. ‘that’s rude right?’

 

jason shakes his head but kimberly can see he’s trying not to laugh. ‘yeah billy.’

 

zack pats off the dirt and throws his hands up. ‘all i’m saying is that i was having a pretty dull night last night but come early morning i don’t think i’ve ever felt so restless. i pretty much fixed up everything that was broken in sight at home.’

 

something seems to click in billy’s mind because he raises his hand to get there attention. ‘i did think it was weird when i couldn’t get to sleep on time. like there was something keeping me up. i just felt really happy?’

 

jason stares at billy fondly.

 

‘trini?’

 

kimberly watches all eyes fall to trini and the sudden way she seizes up. kimberly can almost feel trini’s nerves shooting up from where she sits so she does what she’s best at and deflects on her behalf.

 

‘i was watching some videos online.’ kimberly rolls her eyes. ‘vine compilations. get me every time.’

 

billy nods quickly after her explanation and kimberly is 100% sure billy isn’t sure what vine is or was.

 

zack is also  _ completely _ convinced. ‘you were watching porn.’

 

kimberly’s mind goes blank and it’s only reflex that she manages to reply. ‘i was not watching porn.’

 

zack’s smile gets even bigger. she didn’t think that was possible. ‘kimmie it’s a perfectly healthy expression of female sexuality.’

 

jason grins. ‘try saying that three times faster.’ 

 

billy, to his credit, does manage to say it three times faster.

 

‘i was not watching porn.’ kimberly can’t help it. her voice gets higher and higher with each denial and trini looks ready to laugh in her face about the sudden turn in events. 

 

‘i have to know.’ zack leans forward on his knees. ‘what kind of filters do you go for? because i know a lot of girls say that the guy on guy thing is less misogynistic but then do you lose that relatability to it-’

 

‘oh my god.’ kimberly sinks down on the floor and covers her face.  

 

kimberly endures zack rolling through a list of preferences to which she simply repeats ‘i wasn’t watching porn, zack.’ to everyone until she’s sure her face can’t get any redder.

 

‘well,’ trini’s voice breaks the ramble and for a second kimberly thinks she’s going to be saved. they haven’t done any handstands in a while. ‘if you weren’t -watching- porn what were you doing that had us all so happy?’

 

the utter betrayal.

 

trini sparks off a chorus of ‘yeah kimmie what had you all happy in the early hours, alone, in bed?’ from zack and sniggering from jason that makes kimberly consider turning it around on trini and pointing out she wasn’t alone in bed at all.

 

but it’s their thing and she would very much like it to continue. 

 

(kimberly resigns herself to being a flustered mess for the rest of practice only breaking face to tell zack that she really doesn’t have any interest in guy on guy videos but if he ever wants a second opinion for his own viewing habits she’ll critique.)

 

when the boys are distracted kimberly mouths / _traitor_ / at trini who simply shrugs, and as they’re all walking towards the mermaid’s lagoon mouths back _/i’ll make it up to you/_. that in itself is something worth stumbling over. 

 

but then trini gestures to her neck and mouths / _later_ / and kimberly can only thank whoever is watching over them that zack wasn’t around to see her somehow completely miss the jump up into the lagoon.

 

later means after kimberly’s parents go out on their weekly date night and kimberly finishes washing and drying the dishes. which means trini actually getting to walk through the front door for once.

 

‘it looks different downstairs.’ trini comments, her eyes skirting around the family photographs on the walls. stopping clearly on a recent photo of kimberly and her cousins at a wedding all dressed in a red lengha cholis. kimberly still has all the jewelry from that wedding kept safe in the bottom of her wardrobe. ‘and in the light.’

 

kimberly closes the door and locks it behind her. ‘well you might’ve enjoyed it more if you ever got invited to my house.’

 

‘if i ever?’ trini looks over her shoulder away from the photographs. ‘has my invitation been revoked?’

 

kimberly keeps her hanging until they both come into the kitchen. trini hops on one of the stools around the kitchen island and pins her with a curious look. 

 

kimberly crosses her arms and leans on the kitchen counter staring back at her.  _ ‘if you weren’t -watching- porn what were you doing that had us all so happy kim _ ?’ kimberly repeats trini’s words back to her in a mocking tone. ‘i go out of my way to save your ass-’

 

‘-just my ass?’ trini raises an eyebrow.

 

‘i was covering.’ kimberly insists. 

 

‘you picked a lame cover.’ trini plays with one of string bracelets on her wrist. ‘vine? please don’t tell me you were one of those girls who tried to make full on movies in 6 seconds.’

 

kimberly pretends to be insulted and leans back. ‘there’s a lot that can be done in 6 seconds.’

 

‘i’m more of a feature film kind of person.’

 

the innuendo doesn’t go unnoticed. 

 

kimberly shakes her head trying not to laugh. ‘the betrayal.’

 

trini looks down at the counter before looking back up at kimberly’s face. ‘i said i’d make it up to you.’

 

kimberly swallows and feels hindered by how quickly her mouth dries. ‘you did.’

 

there’s a loss to the easy joking between them when trini mentions it but it’s replaced with a restlessness that has kimberly walking around the kitchen island. trini twists on the stool so she’s facing kimberly again. both of them don’t seem to know what to do with themselves and kimberly relishes the stillness that overcomes trini when she takes trini’s hands into hers.

 

a day ago they were kissing in her bed upstairs. feeling so much that the rest of the rangers felt inexplicably happy. 

 

by the look on trini’s face kimberly can guess she’s thinking the same thing. trini laces their hands together and lets them hang in the air between them. kimberly drifts in and out of the silence and day dream like thoughts. she wants to step between trini’s legs and feel trini hook her ankles around her calves. she wants to kiss trini again.

 

it’s a thought she entertains enough to rock forward onto the balls of her feet like the momentum will bring them together naturally. but then trini speaks, shaking her whole world; ‘i want to see you in it.’

 

‘okay-’ all kimberly can think about is where her collar is. tucked underneath her bed in it’s box. she hasn’t worn it in days. it makes her want to run up and get it, start this- whatever it turns into- and hope-

 

she tries to hurry up but trini catches her wrist gently, stopping kimberly’s path. ‘do you need to get ready or is there something you want me to do first or anything?’

 

kimberly laces their fingers together and the hair on her arms stands up. like some static lighting up at the contact. ‘yeah, okay.’

 

she has a routine for it now. one that was born out of comfort and reassurance. 

 

that’s how she comes to be standing in front of her bathroom mirror, naked and still wet from the shower, combing her hair back. 

 

trini is waiting behind the closed door. probably on kimberly’s bed twisting her wrists as nervous as she is. as excited as she is.

 

her collar is sitting on the vanity in front of her make up. kimberly washed off all her make up before she got in the shower and she won’t put any on after. wearing her collar has become synonymous with honesty and being stripped of the restraints and anxious feelings she feels without it. 

 

the shower helped with that as well. 

 

all that symbolism water brings. most major religions, christianity and hinduism included, view water as sacred. the shower and the feeling of the water crashing over her body, caught up in with teachings about purity and purification, help clear her mind. just as jumping through the mermaid’s lagoon focused kimberly on what lay ahead as a ranger. this helped prepare her for what comes next.

 

kimberly took the time to wash her hair and her body. she thought about trini waiting but didn’t cut out any part. trimming her nails, shaving, brushing her teeth; the anticipation creeping in after each.

now she’s twisting her wet hair in her hands, braiding it back and tying it in place. strands will slip out but she needs them out of the way to put her collar on.

 

it’s then staring at herself in the mirror with her collar in her hand that she stops. her mind reels through the old instructions she’s gotten so used to;

 

_ /fasten your collar in front of a mirror-/ _

 

so she can see the way her expression changes when she puts it on, so she can measure, so she can feel it but;

 

_ /better yet get a partner to do it for you/ _

 

isn’t that what she’d wanted the first time? isn’t that what this was all leading to?

 

her heart is hammering now. because this isn’t just talking about this in the park or in her room. this isn’t trading lists and whispered kisses. 

 

kimberly twists the handle to the bathroom and opens the door a crack. trini is sitting on her bed and looks up when kimberly peeks around. she keeps her body behind the door, shielding herself, and trini wrongly assumes that she’s looking for pyjamas when-

 

‘no that’s not-’ kimberly says. ‘can you close your eyes?’

 

‘sure.’ there’s a hesitancy in trini’s voice because kimberly isn’t telling her she needs anything but she closes her eyes, and stays right where she is.

 

kimberly opens the door and that doesn’t change.

 

the cool air of her room hits her body. it’s freezing against where her skin isn’t dry from the shower. the droplets falling from the ends of her hair trickle down her spine as she pads out of the bathroom towards trini. everything feels on edge; the hairs on her arms are standing tall, her stomach is covered in goosebumps and in her paused moment of self consciousness kimberly covers her nakedness for one, two steps, until she’s stood in front of trini. 

 

her collar is pinched in her hands and kimberly very gently places it on the bed to trini’s right. trini doesn’t move or react and no doubt doesn’t know it’s even there. 

 

with as little noise as possible kimberly crouches down. when she’s close enough, and her knees have hit the floor, she murmurs; ‘don’t open just yet.’ before she places her palms on trini’s knees, sliding them upwards over her thighs. trini is wearing ripped jeans and kimberly scratches the skin peeking out for a second, steadying herself.

 

‘in a second, you can open your eyes but,’ kimberly waits. she’s kneeling down in front of trini. her eyes are level with trini’s collarbones when she sits back on her calves. trini’s eyes are closed, but not scrunched up. she’s relaxed. ready. ‘-i’m obviously very naked. and nervous. so be gentle?’

 

saying it out loud eases her slightly. trini doesn’t open her eyes instantly but she does smile and cover kimberly’s hands with her own. ‘i’ve got you.’

 

warmth rushes all over her and kimberly forgets about the steps leading up to this. ‘i know you do.’

 

with her eyes still closed trini reaches up for her face. kimberly guides her hand to her jaw. ‘you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.’

 

‘i’ve ready for you.’ kimberly leans into her hand. ‘i’m not expecting anything from this but i just wanted to.’

 

trini doesn’t open her eyes. ‘wanted to what?’

 

‘expose myself.’ kimberly doesn’t feel the phrase really means what she wants it to. to strip everything back and show trini that she’s committed to this, that she wants this. 

 

trini draws her up off her calves and kimberly leans in. she takes trini’s lips first, as she can see trini clearly, but once they’re kissing trini doesn’t need to open her eyes. her hands map the sides of kimberly’s jaw and brush against the skin behind her ears. 

 

kimberly feels trini suck on her bottom lip before pushing her tongue inside her mouth. this kiss feels so much more. 

 

kimberly’s stomach is pressed against the seam of trini’s jeans between her legs. it itches against the skin there and reminds kimberly of the contrast. that she’s the one on her knees, naked, wanting.

 

‘i just-’ trini breaks the kiss but not the spell. she presses her nose into kimberly’s cheek and stays close to her. ‘-i just don’t think you realize how much power you’re placing in my hands.’

 

‘power?’

 

‘anchor in the storm. that god awful survivalist metaphor you keep using.’ trini laughs breathlessly. her hands are in kimberly’s hair now. ‘that’s a lot to hand over to me.’

 

‘i’m not just handing it over.’ kimberly murmurs. ‘i trust you.’

 

‘yeah?’

 

‘yeah.’ kimberly turns her head and kisses trini. lingering there after she stops. ‘you’re my shelter.’

 

there’s too much between them for trini to keep herself in the dark. they’re close enough that kimberly can see trini’s eyelashes fluttering open and close enough that trini can’t see much more than the birthmark above kimberly’s lips. 

 

everything she’s trying to say is imperative for the next step forward. that this power that kimberly is offering up is not to be shied away from. that’s what she’s been trying to say all along. that trini has had her back long before she kissed her. whether that’s in the steel trappings of their zords or the symbol of her jacket thrown over kimberly’s shoulder. both carry as much weight as this will. 

 

the exchange seems to seal a final deal. a promise. trini presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth and kimberly sighs with the feeling of trini’s hands in her hair, holding her head steady. they’re no strangers to this in the end. 

 

trini’s eyes are wide open and seeing her for the first time. kimberly can feel everywhere she’s touching trini. trini’s thighs pressing against kimberly’s ribs. her hands resting against trini’s shoulders. her knees against carpet. 

 

there will be a time in the future when she’ll look back on this with a fond thrill. the first time she was naked in front of trini. the nerves and the excitement will brim up in her memories and she’ll lose herself in it happily. 

 

and she knows trini will too. trini leans back and away from the temptation of more kisses and keeps looking at her face. there’s permission and there’s desire and then there’s kimberly sitting back on her calves saying _/look at me/._

 

and she can see that there’s a lot going on. trini’s face is flushed. kimberly can see the spreading blush and the indents in trini’s bottom lip from where she’s biting and releasing. her eyes are dropping and kimberly focuses on the collar, still on the bed, and remembers that there’s safety here in trini’s arms. 

 

and there’s nothing cruel following trini’s gaze as she studies her nakedness. kimberly can feel the small shifts in trini’s own body as she looks at kimberly. the twitching of her legs, squeezing against kimberly’s sides, when trini looks down her body; her breasts and nipples and the small white scars above her stomach from their battles. 

 

she misses the warmth briefly as trini settles back so her eyes can drop lower; to the cut of her ribs, the softness of her hips and the lines of muscle towards her abdomen. more scars and the glint of the bar of her belly button piercing that points like an arrow to the dark curls of hair between her legs.

 

kimberly feels lightheaded looking at trini, who looks at her like she’s drinking in every inch of her, who isn’t shying away from showing on her face what she’s thinking or feeling. by not looking away from her trini gives kimberly the anchor to stay still, to stay open.

 

trini shifts on the bed, forward, so she’s not reaching as far to trail her hands through kimberly’s hair. trini plays with the ends until she touches her shoulders. kimberly shivers against the cool touch at first, closing her eyes briefly. when she does she feels trini’s hands become surer. kimberly can smell her perfume.

 

being naked like this is a strange experience. to feel so exposed and so secure at the same time. kimberly blinks back into focus and to trini kissing her cheek. a small whisper of reassurance, a /you’re beautiful/ that kimberly never knew she needed to hear from trini until her own reaction was to draw trini’s hands around her throat and catch her own breath.

 

kimberly glances to the side of trini. ‘put it on me.’

 

trini’s thumbs rub tiny circles against her neck. 

 

‘put it on me, please.’

 

one of trini’s hands leaves her neck to grasp at kimberly’s collar. ‘turn around.’ she whispers softly. 

 

kimberly leans forward to press her knuckles into the carpet, to turn, and her nose brushes against trini’s stomach. she can hear trini hold her breath, hear the small /whoosh/ of it expelling when kimberly settles on her shins again with her back to trini. 

 

kimberly gathers her hair up where it’s fallen so trini can loop it around her neck. she’s about to relay to trini how to fix it to her when she feels the familiar pressure and trini tucking the collar in place. 

 

‘you read up on this too?’ kimberly asks as she pushes her finger between her neck and the collar, checking it over.

 

‘you’re not the only one with google.’

 

‘what?’

 

trini doesn’t say anything and kimberly chooses to take it as a speechlessness borne out of the situation. trini leans back on her elbows just as kimberly turns around.

 

kimberly wants to kiss her. she wants so much and now that the collar is around her neck it all seems within reach. but it all seems so quiet. 

 

trini doesn’t say anything when she places her hands on trini’s knees. the ripped jeans are short on trini and trini taps kimberly’s hip with her bare ankle. kimberly takes hold of it in her right hand.

 

‘you okay?’ 

 

kimberly thinks of the night she was wrapped up in trini’s camo jacket at the quarry looking up at the sky. the small whirlwind she felt inside didn’t seem to want to stop. the sting at trini’s retreat and the days that followed. 

 

and now she’s here halfway to what she wants with trini looking at her like she wants to take her apart and put her back together. 

 

it’s silly and temporary but kimberly feels herself tearing up until trini reaches out for her. ‘yeah.’

 

kimberly stands when trini motions and stops herself from rubbing at her knees. 

 

it was a small yet obvious reaction dissolving into the drawn out ‘fuck-’ trini mutters.

 

shadows and shapes. the hard lines of her body and the soft edges of her skin. kimberly feels the hot and cold run over her now. trini lies back against her pillows the way kimberly once did and kimberly can’t meet her eyes as she crawls over trini’s body. 

 

the denim of trini’s jeans scratch the back of kimberly’s thighs when she straddles trini. kimberly’s skin is a bubble wrap of goosebumps and hard peaks when trini places her hand in the small of her back urging kimberly to press against her. 

 

‘this really shouldn’t work.’ kimberly brushes her nose against trini’s neck noting the absence of anything pressing into the skin. when kimberly swallows she can feel the collar against her throat. 

 

‘we walked away from getting hit by a train.’ trini keens into her. ‘i think the universe warps around us.’

 

‘you sound like billy.’

 

‘you look good wearing that.’ trini presses her thumb underneath the black band around kimberly’s neck and trails it down to her collar bone.

 

‘are you into it?’ kimberly asks. a small insecurity rears up. 

 

‘you’re into it.’ trini leaves her hand on her. ‘i’m into you.’

 

‘kitten.’ kimberly tests knowing that trini will bristle. 

 

‘careful.’ trini presses up and wraps a hand around the back of kimberly’s neck, touching the buckle of the collar. it sends a shiver down kimberly’s back. her mouth falls open and trini is distracted by the whimper she lets out. 

 

‘please.’ kimberly sounds sarcastic but she’s pleading. ‘you’re into me.’

 

trini isn’t one for words. kimberly has known her long enough for that and expects something to shoot her down. trini takes a grip of kimberly’s collar, firmly enough to keep kimberly’s head in place, looking directly down at trini underneath her. 

 

a look and kimberly’s knees feel weak. ‘sorry.’

 

trini doesn’t acknowledge it but kimberly feels trini lifting her legs up, supporting kimberly where she’s straddling trini’s hips. ‘i want you on top.’

 

kimberly nods.

 

‘i want you to tell me if you don’t feel good about anything.’

 

kimberly nods again.

 

‘i’m not gonna-’ trini’s hands slide from kimberly’s back to her waist and with how still kimberly is being she can feel trini’s hips buck slightly. ‘-i don’t want to do anything more tonight.’

 

the collar feels imposing and restriction for the split second after trini says that. kimberly, as unconscious thoughts, never realized that she’d expected sex in the cards tonight.

 

her own uncontrollable reaction, her face flushing and her mouth opening with a spluttered apology because she didn’t mean to make trini uncomfortable is crushed with trini pulling on her collar again.

 

‘i want to.’ trini eases. ‘but not tonight.’

 

trini has been saying that all night. her eyes haven’t lied. they still ghost over her body waiting for her hands to catch up. 

 

‘this is a big step.’ trini murmurs. she leaves her fingers hooked into kimberly’s collar and leaves no room for kimberly’s attention to stray. ‘and i want you to know that.’

 

there’s a future full of nights where kimberly’s back won’t leave the mattress. a multiverse of possibilities and red marks crossing the backs of her thighs, of trini’s kisses leaving invisible tattoos and her fingers pinching into bruises. 

 

there’s a wishlist of scenarios where kimberly doesn’t rise from her knees. 

 

and the distractions of these thoughts swim in her eyes for trini to feel. 

 

(this is the worst time to be thinking of their ranger connection.)

 

‘i do.’

 

because having trini underneath her still wearing clothes, still controlling her movements with small pressing hands and hooking fingers, to have kimberly still in the promise of the rest of the night is something she’s not going to forget.

 

and kimberly doubts trini will get the picture of her, naked, collared up, straddling her just in reach and willing out of her mind any time soon either.

 

whatever hesitation was there leaves and the universe bends against their force leaving them interrupted and kimberly lost in the ache of trini keeping her hands above her shoulders the entire night and leaving kimberly with no time in the morning to get off.

 

the parting gift, the rasping ache of her throat and dizziness keeps her sated until late afternoon the next day when she curls up in soft sweats and blankets, crashing to sleep. 

  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  


to be continued in part (b)


End file.
